Authentic Failures

In Conclusion,

2009-08-22T08:35:00.000-07:00

1) I got into the hull (hellsyeah)
2) I got pretty crap grades (C in biology, E in chem, C in Photography, and B in general Stds)
3) Despite my revision, this summer I actually did worse in my chem retake (although apparently I wasn't so far off a D in chem, which is kinda nice, actually), and in Biology got a U on one of my papers, probably a E on the other. So it was only the fact that I got a B last January, and a C last AS that pulled me through. I also redid module 1 (for the third time), and finally got it to a pretty high B.
4) And with pretty much no revision at all for history, I got an A. Scraped an A on the january paper, got a full blooded, right up there with the stars, A for my most recent one. This irritates me plenty. I mean, history is an AS Level, so should be easier than a A Level, but even so... I'll bet I could've gotten an A if I'd taken it up to A level as well. So I'm sort of wishing that I'd originally taken History, instead of photography, and maybe even English lit/lan instead of physics. Then I'd have probably dropped chemistry at the end of year one, having got a C, possibly pulled biology up to a B because I'd have had a lot more extra revision time available, and probably got at least a B for english. And then I'd be feeling a lot more confident about taking Biology up to degree level, cause, hello, I would have a B for it, which isn't amazing, but it's reasonable. Having a C seems to be scraping around the edges, somehow. I'm still going to try do it at Uni, of course, it's what I signed up for, and I'm hoping A level was somehow a blip, that being able to focus on one subject, more or less, and one I actually enjoy, will mean I work harder at it, get better marks.
It's just that, while I know I could go to uni and almost definetely get at least a second on history, probably a first, I'd feel like I was taking the easy way out.
Like when I was in year 9, I did system & control tech, not because it was particularly fun or the teacher was great, but because it was a GCSE to be proud of- it was actually hard. Maybe not as hard as maths, or physics, but still more demanding than some other subjects. True, no one really looks at your GCSEs on your CV much, but I just feel prouder about getting an A in that hellhole of a subject than I do about getting an A in english, or history, say.
Plus, what would I do with a degree in history? It's apparently flexible, which basically means some flat line office job, and while I'm not one of those people who believes they'll be able to get a job that they completely love, I would want a job I find somewhat interesting.
Whatever.
I'll see how biology at uni goes before I start being all ZOMG WHY NOT DO HISTORY

Results Day, and other spikey objects

2009-08-17T13:41:00.000-07:00

GAHHH
Am obsessivly logging onto track, despite the fact it's not even meant to be opening til 'mid morning' of the thursday.
Midmorning being anything from 6am to 8am, apparently.
And it's really weird, because yesterday I was terrified as hell about failing and not getting in anywhere/ending up a homeless crazy cat lady.
But today I sat down with my mum, and we worked out that I'd need to get lower than a C in biology, an E in chemistry, a D in photography, and B in history to not get in.
And much as I don't want to jinx anything... while it's entirely possible I'll get an E in chemistry/D in photography, it's less likely I'll get lower than a C in biology/B in history.
So now I've moved from the panicking the fuck out stage to the I kind of NEED to have results day done so I no longer need to add an 'if' to any part of my future plans... like, 'if' I get into uni, it shall be the coolest, and 'if' I go to halls of residence, I'll need a frying pan.
But now... NO FRYING PAN WORRIES!
I'm still sort of terrified about it, but it's in the Oh god, now I THINK I might pass, it'll screw me up totally if I don't.
Whereas before I was coming round to the idea of being a crazy cat lady, like as in, well at least they don't need comb their hair, and they can shout the hell they want, no one shall complain.
What else.
Yeah, and it's odd because I also want my results, like as if it's the last Harry Potter book, and I wanted to find out what happened, finally. As if I'm watching some character in a soap opera, and want to know what'll happen to them, and I'm super excited about it, but not scared because hello they're a TV Person, and it won't effect me in real life.
But I'm not really a TV person. I'm a real girl, and I'm not sure that me being slightly crazily detached from it all is any good for me.

Also (and a better writer would've fitted this in earlier, and more smoothly but HEY I'M HOPEFULLY GONNA DO BIO, YO, I NO LONGER NEED PROSE) I think part of the reason that I couldn't accept that I might get into uni was because such a cool thing would never happen to me. I mean, moving out of my house, meeting a load of people, LIVING ON MY OWN WITS?
Like could such a life changing thing occur to me. Other people sure, but not ME.

So so so so so so.
Fucking results day in 2 and a bit days.
Watch this space, because when I fail, I'll come here to cry first of all.

Fun Fun Fun In The Sun Sun Sun

2009-08-14T18:05:00.000-07:00

So, my super exciting holiday.
Uh, well, we got up really crazily early, and then about one hour into the journey, my dad was like "Does the steering feel weird to you guys?"
And the rest of the car were all "Uhm, no, but we aren't actually steering the car."
So we pulled into some station for TireExpansion, but even then it was like a last ditch attempt and my maw had already got her frown on and was calculating exactly how much it would be to get a plane or something.
Of course the tire blowing up did not much at all, so we returned back home, and got a later ferry.
You're probably like, so, yo, what was up with that car. Nothing, actually.
It was just that my dad hadn't driven with a full roof rack before, and he got confused.
yay.
But my mum was very careful to say she wasn't angry with dad for getting us to miss the ferry, he was just being careful. But she did suceed in getting irritated at him for various, not really that bad things later on, so at least all the rage wasn't pent up.
SO ABOUT THE FERRY, CAUSE YOU WANT TO KNOW, RIGHT?
I hate ships.
I feel sick as hell on them.
At least with cars, you can scream at people to STOP THE FUCKING CAR, but in a ship, you so cannot.
That was not really relevent anyway. We booked so late for this new ferry, and it was overnight, so no cabins were available..... meaning we were in the cattle pens.
Or something.
They probably call it something nicer, like "The People Pens", but we all know what it is.
My mum was really down about that, cause she'd had to spend a night like that one time, with the wonderful slug child that was me, and it hadn't been the best of times.
"PEOPLE SNORTING IN THE BACKGROUND!" She screams in her nightmares, "AND THE SLUG CHILD EATING LETTICE"
I understand it was a bad experience, I just wish she wouldn't call me the slug child. Its not my fault I gained so much weight my neck dissapeared... it's GLANDULAR, goddammit
So we get there on the ferry, finally, and suprise suprise, no cabins. Big sexy room full of chairs, waiting to be filled by snorting humans though.
"We could maybe sleep outside of the room, right?" Max asks slowly, "I mean, like, look at those random sofa and soft chair collections hanging around. We can't claim one of them?"
"That would be out in the open though," My dad explains "We could be attacked by predators at any point."
"He doesn't mind," Points out Max, nodding toward a solitary man, who's taking up a WHOLE FUCKING SUITE.
That's not fair, I think. The other suites are filling up now, and the time for action has come. "He's too confident. Let's sit there and weird him out until he goes." I decide.
Max looks half convinced, but my mother just stares.
"He's taking up a whole sofa collection." I emphaise.
"And now he's staring at us," She sighs, tired. "Give it up already."
I do sort of give it up, but I make sure that whenever I pass him, with his entire emphire of sofas, I give him a glare, just in case he thinks I've forgotten. I try to rope India into this as well, but she can't stare very well as she is only seven.
In the end Me and Max (he's my brother. it's odd, but I don't think I've mentioned him much before. he's a kinda nice brother) decided to go see some film, just to waste time.
Baaaaadddd idea.
We were the only people in a smallish pitch dark room, and while Wolverine isn't the scariest of flicks, when you're on your own in a darkish room THAT ROCKS with only your brother, it's terrifying. Plus Max had decided today was the day to traumatise me forever, and kept scaring me. (When I said he was kinda nice, I meant some of the time).
We finally got out of that hell hole (Seeing as we were the only people there, and we'd paid already, we didn't really want to leave early), and, passing the evil sofa king again (don't worry, I stared at him with the power of five wolverines), found out that our parents weren't where we thought they'd be.
"But where exactly did we think they'd be?" Max asks, his eyes drifting over to the sofa king.
"Salon 5b" I say, desivesly, and squint at the sofa king. Maybe he.... no.
"But, right, this is salon5b. And here they aren't."
"So's your face" I mutter, driven into a corner.
"What?"
"Nothing."
Max shakes his head, vaguely. "D'y'want to ask at the desk?"
I didn't want to, but due to the fact I'd sort of maybe passed my French GCSE, and Max knows about three words (Salut/Ca Va/Ca Va et Toi) of french, I sort of felt compelled to.
Even though me asking was mostly me being like "Surnom Greenwood... Oooohh-eeerrrr parents" in a horrible french accent.
Oddly enough, it turned out to be Salon5b, and that people look different when they're in the dark and sleeping.
On the way back round we passed an american group in one of the sofa bays, and one of them must've seen us come out of Wolverine, cause he was all "Yo, how was the movie, guys?"
And we were all "Uh. Okay."
And he must've felt sorry for the weirdo english kids who were so shy and retiring, cause he smiled broadly and went "I come from california. Where'd you guys come from?"
And I always have no idea what to say in these situations. I mean, the last time we met someone on holiday, and my mum let slip we come from scunthorpe, then you could see the expression of distaste on the woman's face. It was sort of similar to the one I do if people say they used to eat shit as a child.
But then I remembered that Americans only know about London as a city, so I should be safe.
"Uh, scunthorpe."
"Really? I've been to London, it's like a mini new york"
"God, now New York's forever ruined for me."
"What?" It was like one in the morning, and he was so smiley.
"I mean... nothing... so, sunny califonia?"
"Yeah! How's... s..sc?.. That place you said?"
"It's crap" Butts in Max, staring balefully at him.
"Ohhh?" His smile slides down a couple of notches, and I feel sorry for him.
"I mean, it's like... in the north... and our north... it's like your south?" I explain, vaguly, hoping he doesn't now think I'm a racist who eats really fattening chicken.
"You mean... really rural?"
"No, really crap." Max's time to shine again. And that baleful stare he's doing... he looks like one of the children from the shining, or some other crappy b-movie. The American guy looks fairly disturbed... I suppose the english accent adds even more edge?
"Uh, kinda rural, yeah..." I add in, hurridly. "We don't wear white hoods though. I mean, some of us wear hoodies but like, it's not a statement... we're not really that southern, and we have KFC but barely ever, right?"
The american dude nods, dazed. "Uh, well, nice talking, but I think we have to go now..." He glances around at his friends and they also nod.
Once they've gone, I frown at Max.
He smirks "Look... FREE SOFAS!"
At this point, a brief moment of peace passed between us, although it was quickly cut short when he THREW A BOTTLE AT MY HEAD.
Like, with no reason. We were totally getting along, and then he threw a bottle at me.
And then asked me to get him back to salon5b as if nothing had happened.
He's such a tard.
Then we find salon5b, finally locate our parents sleeping bodies, and our seats, of which Max immediatly lays across three of them.
My mum sort of takes sleep-pity on me, and throws me a pillow, which I spend about half an hour blowing up, only to find it has a hole.
I eventually gave up on sleep, and just spent the entire three or so hours unlacing, and relacing my converses in new and exciting patterns. Some people that passed by must've thought I was a bit odd, but by that point I didn't care much.
At about four am my brother stirred and sat up breifly, and within that time period, I stole two of his chairs so fast. After poking at me ineffectually (WITHOUT A BOTTLE, HE IS POWERLESS) for a while, he ended up laying onto top of me, and it was like having someone stab you with pointy bone at three points along my side but I didn't care because ID FINALLY GOTTEN TO LAY DOWN AND DO SOMETHING OTHER THAN RELACE MY SHOES!
Of course, in half an hour the lights came back on and I had to wake up anyway.

Then we were in france finally, and I think my mum had finally gotten over her sleeping on ships with other people in the same room thing.

Sorry, I wrote way too much, and most of it wasn't that interesting, but deal, cause it's three in the morning, and I don't work so well.

The Inside Of A Moth's Heart

2009-08-14T17:55:00.000-07:00

I'm thinking it must contain gasoline, or something, because I just squashed one, and now my room smells like burning.
So, you guys all have spotify, right?
http://open.spotify.com/user/randomshyko/playlist/6L0zFnHb5ccQons3yEH7p6
Tis my cheese playlist I have on at the moment, and gee whiz, it's pure fun.

You have no idea how terrified I am of this coming thursday.
Normally I'm really good at putting things in a box and ignoring them for a while, but this I cannot do... because, right, normally I like to imagine the future when I'm bored or whatever but right now I CAN'T because like, if I end up imagining a uni with plenty of attractive females of low standards then it'll totally be awful when I don't get in.
gggggggggggggahghgahgaha
Who made results day a thing?
They oughta jump onto a sword.

And I'm so bad at figuring out whether I've failed or not in exams, like...
I have absolutely NO CLUE whether I'll get into Hull or not.
Horrible horrible.
And I have work tomorrow at half nine and it's two, I really cba to go sleep right now.

Such a shame

2009-08-11T18:31:00.000-07:00

I am in the worst mood right now.
I mean, it's all awful twitchy.
I can concentrate on NOTHING.
I wanted to do a super long post about holidays, and ferrys, and french waiters.
I was emailing someone on a super serious subject.
But all I'm doing is listening to http://www.myspace.com/federaldrugsadministration2.
Gay as fucking tables, man.

The Adventures Of Sharon McClowsky

2009-08-07T15:35:00.000-07:00

(Because I wrote it earlier, haven't updated this in ages, and probably won't for a bit cause my next post oughta be awful long. It was originally written on Microsoft Word, so all the italics were removed so's it would agree with blogger.)

Sharon was a wonderful woman. She had lips of ivory, bones as delicate as china teacup handles, and when she smiled at you, your world would light up into a new colour you hadn’t yet heard of, and would be at pains to describe correctly later.
As a consequence of this, her husband, Dan Pilchard, felt that he was the luckiest man alive. He loved Sharon so much that he couldn’t bear to be parted from her, for just one second.
This created complications on their first date, when Sharon got up to go home, and Dan Pilchard followed her, secreting himself in her bed, and waking her up the next morning with double roast coffee.
“You do like it this way, don’t you?” He smiled at her, enslaved. “I looked in your diary, it said you like it this way.”
A slight frown entered Sharon’s forehead, and he panicked slightly – had he over stepped the line?
But no, he hadn’t, because the storm on her face cleared, and she smiled at him, enveloping him with that colour no one could ever describe.
“How wonderful, darling,” She murmured.
From then on, every morning was double roast morning, and every afternoon was triple hot chocolate with after eight mints. Their lives were wonderful, right up until about three months of their marriage.
Dan Pilchard had just been climbing the tree outside his beloved’s window, as it reminded him of old, more clandestine, times, and perched there, he began to read his beloved’s diary, as he always did, and always would do.
“Dear Diary,” It started, and Dan Pilchard snorted appreciatively, expected some vague musing about how wonderful he, the rest of the world, and that day, had been.
“I did have a wonderful time today, diary. I walked in the sun with my dear husband, and ate croutons in the meadow. Oh, it was so beautiful. But, dear diary – and you must never tell this to anyone- what made it even more special was that I met a man called Clarkson Davis. Oh, I do love Dan Pilchard, but Clarkson Davis is just another thing altogether! Dear Diary, I hope that-”
Dan Pilchard slammed the book closed and stopped reading. He snorted again, only angrily and to punctuate the exact end of the snortling, he threw the damned dear diary into the next tree.
He heard a muffled yelp, and squinted at the tree. What he saw was a darkened figure, only just clinging onto the tree branch.
“I say, dear fellow” Called the figure, still holding on tightly.
Dan Pilchard saw a few leaves fall from the tree, and fancied that it could be a sycamore.
“You there…er, man!” Called the figure once more so Dan Pilchard felt pressed into answering.
“Yes?” Dan Pilchard shouted, ignoring the niggling feeling, deep inside, that this man, this tree toucher of a fellow, was indeed, his wife’s love, that scoundrel and bastard-
“Seems like you’ve just tossed a book at me, my good man!” Replied the tree rapist. “I mean, normally I’d be cursing at you like the next fellow, but dear sir, this is a stroke of good luck, good fortune!”
He paused to molest the branches further, and Dan Pilchard felt vaguely nauseous.
“You see, this book you’ve – somewhat unorthodoxly, I admit – given me, happens to belong to the one I love the most. The one, even,” And he leaned forward, toward Dan Pilchard, who shrank backwards an equal amount, and almost lost his footing, ”The one which will be my fiancé come next autumn. I’m as sure of it as I am sure that my name is Clarkson Davis!”
Dan Pilchard jumped.
He jumped as hard and fast as he possibly could, trying to rid himself of the terrible pain that was forever irrevocably bound to his soul.
Unfortunately, he did not succeed in this aim.
Instead, he went straight through his faithless wife’s window, and landed on her chest.
Dan Pilchard wasn’t the most sociably able fellow at the best of times, but he was sure that absolutely no one knew how to handle landing on a cheating wife’s bosom in the small hours of the morning.
So he tried to bluff his way out.
“What are you doing here, husband dear?” Murmured his wife, her lips already starting to form that smile that would sap him of his spine, his manhood.
“Well, ah, er… see, that… you know… Clarkson Davis…” He finished, lamely.
His wife frowned; a small hurt crumple across her forehead.
He longed to smooth it out with his pasty white fingers, but he couldn’t… for he was a vampire!
“No!” Screamed his wife as his bloodlust came down and she ran, as fast as she possibly could towards her savour, Clarkson Davis.
“Clarkson, Clarkson!” She squealed, like a fat roasting pig, and suddenly all Dan Pilchard could see was she, as a pig with some form of roasted vegetable in her mouth (He was allergic to apples, even in his imagination)
Clarkson Davis, for his part in this story, stepped up with a crossbow, jumping down from the tree, and landing with nary a single pain. He held the piglet in the crook of his elbow, smiling, for he was into bestiality, and held a paid account on three of the major websites.
“Die, vampire scum!” He yelled, in a manly sort of way, because he’d heard that was what all the piglets were into nowadays.
Unfortunately, Dan Pilchard didn’t suddenly die, he kept on coming, and any moment now he would attack and oh
But then the piglet smiled.
And both men became happy, their wits dulled. And the piglet quietly transformed back into a woman again, as she was secretly a witch, and also a rock star.
“Why, dear gentlemen” She asked, sweetly “Can we not all get along?”
The two men nodded, tired, and saw the foolishness of their ways.
And they then lived in sin, altogether for the rest of their lives, and ended up going to hell.
But that didn’t really matter – even if they had tried to live without sin, they’d all have gone to hell because Clarkson Davis was a bestiality paedophiliac, Dan Pilchard a vampire who stalked his own wife, and Sharon McClowsky liked to steal gold from rainbows. Also she was a witch and a rock and roll singer.

When Harry Met Sally, or whatever her name was

2009-07-11T13:35:00.001-07:00

So today I went to this wedding of one of my cousins.
It was kind of a big EVENT, if you know what I mean, cause it was the first wedding I've been to in ages, and it required me getting dressed/fake tanned/looking female.
I know, right?
So I was going to write about that, and I still will, but not exactly right now, because our food didn't come til 4 o clock, and I hadn't eaten ANYTHING that day.
But they gave us free drink so...
Yeah, I was hella drunk, but in that irritating, shit, my family have to think well of me way.
So you basically, if you're me, just sit there with a wine glass in one hand, and not say anything (aside from SHUSH to my mother anytime she even looked like she might insult anything).
So, hella drunk, hella bored.
I really like the word hella atm, not sure if you could tell?
And when I get drunk with family I just eat as much as I can in the misguided belief it will soak up alcohol and make me all sober. It does, but not as quickly as I'd like, and I also can't judge when I'm full, so I ate WAY too much today.
Was nice food, obv., but I feel all fat nows.
And drunk.
Which was the point I was coming round to- I can't write a full post, I'm too tired. Like, that tired when you aren't really drunk anymore, just all stretched out.
Well, I guess I did write a full post.
But I wasn't thinking about what I was writing.
This was HELLA pointless, y'all.

bigbrobot is being inappropiate

2009-06-05T14:21:00.000-07:00

What is it with people who comment on c4's website? Or on youtube even?
I rofled the hell out at these two comments on this article about how they'd changed Sophie (the prettiest blonde with a really big pair of eyes) and Freddie (the wimpy middle class stereo type, listens to 'indie' fergawdsake) name's to Halfwit and Dogface. In Sophie's case, it's obviously a joke, but with Freddie, it's just unbearably close to home.
Anyway, the comments.
A worried PrinceSophie says:
"so when do you change the names on the website, legaly they changed thier names so by balling them sophia and freddie your breaking the law"
(*billing)
No, this isn't the funny bit. The weirder comment is from misselm who says, in an anxious kind of way
"same here sophiadangelo....its shocking what they are doing but they are being watched dont worry .."
I, for one, now feel less worried, thanks to misselm's comforting words. They are being watched, and we needn't worry.
I suppose I could now comment on how people will debase themselves for fame or something or other, but I don't much care. Freddie practically screams half wit everytime he walks in front of the camera, and Sophie... well, my brain just switches to "Someone insanely attractive nearby" mode, and I have to concentrate so I don't stare constantly at her... eyes. Yeah, that.
Because, in my admittedly not very acclaimed opinion she is actually genuinely attractive, even without the huge breasts, you know?
Like the other two possibles, or however many other girls there, esp. the other blonde girl who'd like to be as attractive, aren't. She looks good, sure, and I figure she can get whatever guy she wants, pull plenty at the bar (but then, so can I, so it's hardly a great thing), but she doesn't have that spark, eh?
Oh, and Roderigo is a bit like Brent Corrigan, plus super nice.
You didn't ask me for my opinion on the contestants, but out of them, Sophia, Roderigo and Charlie seem for real super nice, also Cairon, although he's kinda quiet. I mean, probably the rest of them are nice, but it isn't so obvious. Plus Sophia reminds me of this girl I used to be all... like with, so I'm bound to like her.
Yawnyawn. Need to stop watching shitty TV, start shitty revision.

Reds and Blues

2009-06-03T14:55:00.000-07:00

The past coupla days, I've been sitting at home, doing nothing whatsoever, trying to revise.
It's horrible, and I wouldn't wish it on anyone, least of all me.
The only good thing that happened was my module 1 biology exam, which I think I did okay in. I actually hate trying to work out how well I did, because whenever I think I've done well, I haven't, and when I think I've done terribly and failed and spend the summer holidays in various states of sadness, I turn out to have done okay. (This hasn't happened since my GCSEs, I don't think).
So then I try to second guess myself, like - Oh, I thought it went well, so it must've been bad. But the whole second guessing thing happens so automatically now that I'm not even sure if I think I've done well, or badly or how I should convert it.
Something like that, I guess, I'm rambling because I've failed to talk to another human being outside my immediate family for one week now and goad.
Actually, such a lie, I've talked to people, just not face to face, and the phone doesn't count as much.
Unrelated, but in high school, when I first met oli, I remember the first time he called me, and I'd never done the whole hour long phone call thing before. The friends I'd had before him, we called each other with a spesific purpose in mind, to fix down some kind of meeting arrangment, or to ask about homework, you know?
And so when he called, I was all "Oh hey, what do you want?"
and he was "Eh? Just calling for a chat."
And I got super confused.
Like, before I'd been sims 1 with no add on packs, and when I picked up the phone, only the ability to invite people over came up. But Oli was sims 1 with Unleashed, and he could not only 'chat' down the phone, but he also had a super cool soundtrack.
Speaking of sims.
I have it.
The third.
Sims 3
Exactly two days before it was meant to come out in good ole britannia.
Even though I'd decided not to get it until after my exams were over, for obvious reasons relating to my revision shedule, and how it doesn't involve 24/7 sims playing.
But I couldn't resist, and I got it, and it's wonderful and sparkly.
The menu music is like sims 2, but more developed, and the faces are pretty, and I made a guy who looks sweet, with russet hair. FOUR SHADES OF RUSSET HAIR.
Dear lord.
In a way, it's kind of sad, because all the while I was playing it, I was thinking about how by the time the sims 4 comes out, I will be OLD.
And not playing it anymore, probably.
Before you go "Oh, nah, it's up to you when to stop,", it's not even that, it's just even though I think sims 3 is wonderful, it's already kind of alien to me, and I found the sims 2 so much better.
I have memories connected with that, and I can't imagine ever having that with the sims 3.
Take, when the sims 2 came out.
I'd had it preordered, but unfortunatly I'd chosen that week to have a super retarded arguement with the girl who sat next to me in IT. We'd both been put in detention, and were told we were going to have a letter sent home. So, like the good little kid I was, I told my parents what i did, because... would I want them to find out from the letter? No thanks.
And my parents said that because of it, I couldn't have the sims 2 for an ENTIRE WEEK.
Since then, of course, I've become a complete pacifist. (with built up rage issues)
Our IT Teacher never even sent a letter, which was even more irritating, but whatever.
So, on the saturday I was finally allowed to play it, I crept downstairs at about 5am, clutching the quadruple disc collection in my sweaty hands.
I played the installation game happily, volume down low.
Except our graphix card was too shitty, and the game chugged along with a frame rate so slow it made jerky mc jerkson seem smooth.
Did I cry?
Hell yes.
So my parents also got to be pissy at me for waking them up at 6am on a saturday morning as well.
Whoop.

But yeah, all I do is nostalgia atm.
I'm hoping it's just because I'm a bit in suspension right now - hopefully about to leave home, meet a load of new people, but I'm still not even a legal drinking age, and haven't ever had a decent night out. I haven't got any chance to be doing stuff atm, so all I've got is what I did in the past?
Hmmm.

In a lighter note, I just spent part of an evening down the phone to a friend trying to convince her I did have the sims 3 before it'd been releashed, but unable to prove it by having her come over.
It ended in me doign a load of screenshots at her request, letting her hear the theme music, and creating a sim to her spefications, so I could send her the images later as proof.
You can have a look as well if you want proof and think every word I say is a lie.
(she's my best friend, but I guess I did tell her last weekend that I had sex with Marie Antonette.)
This is the guy with red russet hair. I'd make a female version of him, only I worry that I'd accidentally fall in love with her, and have to attend some sort of AA for people in lvoe with fictional characters.

In the next image you can see his face more clearly. I don't think it looks so bad - at first I thought the new faces were a bit weird, but he looks sweetish.
In this one, you can see his fiance, Leighton. I didn't mean to make him gay, honest, I tried for ages to make him fall in love with Mrs Crumplebottom, but she's still in love with her dead husband, I think.
The first time he kisses Leighton, Leighton randomly ran away, and it was really odd. Leighton has a weird ass name, right? There's no replacing the goopy though.

This lady was the one made under the specifications of Saru. You can make the sims super fat, and blue. She was wearing a mini skirt, and a halter top, but that disappeared for some reason.

Alright, I'm off to bed nows. Night night.

A General Feeling Of Loss, and all that

2009-05-28T17:55:00.000-07:00

So me and my mum had a superbigarguement on wednesday, I think it was. And it ended with her telling me I needed to pay her back for all my driving lessons, which in fairness, I should do, I just kind of was wanting to spend that money on on new clothes for uni. But whatever.
So yeah, and I still owe her about 20 lessons worth, which means like half the money I get for my 18th will probably also go to that which isn't so great, but it's really no one's fault that I suck so badly at driving.
Aside from mine, I guess.
And in the midst of the whole argument thing, it was actually kinda good to have it happen in a way, because I got to tell her how I thought she maybe oughtn't voice how she thinks I'm going to fail at everything and not get into Hull, because it was getting me down.
Which was good, because of all that and yeah.
Then today, when I came back from college (bio revision, gah, but at least it isn't all CHEMISTRY) we figured out a compromise wherein I pay to insure her car for me for just after when I finish my exams, because while I apparently suck awfully at driving, it's in a whatevermaybeIdon'tneedateacheranymorecausetheycostsoFUCKINGmuch way, or something.
So I can just drive with my dad, like, everywhere, and learn better that way.
And so the driving lessons I've now sort of paid for won't go to waste, which is good, because i was kinda all angry about that. And I had no one to actually be angry at aside from myself, which sucked.

I feel a bit rubbish atm, tbh. I'm still losing nearly all of my potenial 18th money for retarded fucking driving lessons, and goddamn, I don't even plan to get a car until I finish Uni, and even then I want to avoid driving as much as possible.
Plus I just listened to Billy Talent's third album and it just was.
Like, all just average.
I've grown out of them and that's really weird because I always hated the whole 'tier' thing about music, wherein you listened to one thing and then moved onto another thing, and the new thing would make your world explode so much that the old thing suddenly seemed just plain boring.
But that's happened and because Billy Talent are the first band that just made me feel like the world explained, or something equally fantastic, I just wish it hadn't.
I still haven't found a band that managed to do the same thing that Billy Talent's first album did.
Some songs, sure, but not an entire album, and not like that.
As I said, I feel rubbish atm, and I'm listening to my sad playlist, which isn't anybetter an idea.
I hope you're feeling better, whoever you are.

materialistic monday, I guess

2009-05-25T16:16:00.001-07:00

I'm not normally a crazily materialistic person- my clothes are generally chosen for long lasting wear, rather than random labels and stuff (also their ability to make me look like a human being but whatever), and I have never been bothered about getting the latest mobile phones, EVER.
This is probably because I'm generally a spoilt kid who has never actually wanted for much ever.

But today I found someone who super annoyed me.
This kid, right, has this awful rare EP of this band I reallllllllllly like atm, and it's so rare it isn't even on EP for high prices. And he was flashing it everywhere, just like he flashes his stupid what.cd account (which yeah, I have, but can barely use due to my super crap ratio), and fuckit, how does some 15yr old kid get to have all that expensive stuff.
He obv. can't have got it when it came out (up until about 1 month ago he listened to radiohead ONLY), and it's just all....... his parents must give him so much money.
And I know I said that I'm fair spoiled, but they sure don't buy rare Eps for me. Even my dad, who understands these things, wouldn't do that.
Graa.
And then, of course, my retarded music elitism kicks in, with this little voice in my head saying "Gawd, a 15yr kid can't appreciate that EP even half as much as you would, you know. What a waste"
Hmmpppff.
So I get all depressed, and think "fuck music elitism, if 15yr boys are doing it, then I don't wanna"
and I listen to rush (not only that, but their most popular album), and play space invaders. And it's not even in an ironic way, I am genuinely sitting here playing rush and having a super long space invaders session on a monday night, home alone. I might even top this crazy night off with some star trek/wars.
GRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAR
I can't wait for my exams to be over and for me to be 18 and and and well I'll still probably want to listen to rush then but I'm sure I can stop my space invading.
I'll numb the impulses with all that alcohol it will suddenly be legal for me to buy.
I hate being the youngest.

Vote, because I can't.

2009-05-23T10:31:00.000-07:00

Tell you what super dooper sucks about my parents having me later in the year: I'm TWENTY DAYS of being able to vote in the European election thing. TWENTY DAYS.
And because of the way they do it, my vote would've counted and all. Or, counted for more than it would usually anyhow.
Faxake.
But because I like to play make believe, plus my mum's fairly open to new ideas, I did look into who I would've voted for.
So, in the midst of doing some research, I found this table floating around on the net, and I have checked out most policies on it - it all seems to be well informed.
And I hereby rate the parties in this order:
Green Party>Lib Dems>Labour>Tory>the gunk under my shoe> UKIP>BNP
Actually, Greenparty/LibDems/Labour all get to be fairly close together. I'm probably going to vote lib dem or labour next election, because GP haven't a hope in hell in that one.

Actually, it's not that realistic at all

2009-05-19T15:48:00.001-07:00

Just watched that new thing where they send a bunch of unlikeable people over to a tuna factory and make them cry.
(and by just, I mean two hrs ago)
It was really not good.
About 50% of it was about this guy who acted quite psychotically towards this other guy.
Like, guy (a) cheated on his fish exam, although it was all sorted out so he didn't get a head start, and guy (b) was all "I feel so betrayed, so torn. God, I feel so..."
and me/parent/brother were all like "God, get over yourself, it's just a fish exam"
But he didn't get over himself, and instead pushed guy (a) into a glass wall, smashing it.
I don't know.
Just, the majority of people they have on these programs are always so... well, they're the type of people you scream "get over yourself" at. It's just going to happen.
I'd have way preferred a documentary looking into the tuna fish worker's lives, without the boring 'brits being retarded' angle.
Like that one on Chinese schools.
I loved that one, even if it did mean sitting next to my mother while she made pointed comments about how she always wanted to adopt a Chinese child, because look at how hard they work, why don't you work hard like that at school/education of similar standard.
Then I get to make pointed comments on how it's the way you're raised that gives you your mentality. And so the blame should fall at the feet of my caregivers.
Fun times.
Still better than that shitty drama reality crap.
Keep it in Ugly Betty, I can't get enough of it there.
Roll on third season, and subsequent Ugly Betty Marathons involving it, and all seasons past.

EDIT:
Also, one of girls, after she fainted (I won't insult her for that, I'd have totally fainted), was all "That was totally EPIC"
and I was like \aejkfsjkdfsbahisokUPGI because people who use the word epic/fail in RL deserve a painful, itchy death.
It just sounds fucking stupid.
Like, someone does something wrong, and someone else sort of yelps "FAY-ul!"
Saying 'lol' out loud was bad enough, but I was 14 then. And I developed a special sort of way of saying it, so it sounded like laughter... No, still stupid/underdeveloped of me.
You're fucking 18, stop saying fail/epic, because they're internet terms, and should stay on the internet.
(Your mom, that's what she said, so's your face, and WELL nnnnnrrrrrrrrruggggg are still acceptable though. I fucking love your mom. But not your face. Waitwhatwhy)

A Grand Day Out

2009-05-19T06:56:00.001-07:00

Not really.
I just went to college for one (1) lesson, and my only exceptional event was that I got accompanied by Oli cause he was all "Yo, am gettin' awf at tha dolfin, girl."
and I was like "No way, dude, you best be pickin me up along tha way"
And he said we would call for me.
And I felt like ten again, like when you go and 'call' for people, and at school everyone's all "You gonna play out tonight? Gonna be out tonight? Seeya down bullsy, yeah?"
I don't miss that at all, being a girl and playing out just involves watching boys play football, and occasionally take their tops off 'to use as goal posts' but we all know it's just because they want to show off their single chest hair.
But anyway, back to my day, where me and Oli trolled through Ashby, and went to bargain madness/that frozen food shop which is equally cheap, and has 20p ice lollipops. Nowadasy whenever I go in them all I can think is: Unistudent smell!
Because it's cheap and all the yooney kids I know buy from that frozen food shop.
It's also stupid, because the shop in Ashby isn't really for unistudents, but for pregant youths.
Along the way we were all discussing our accomadation, and I've got two options here: Either go do what everyone else does and live in a superhugemassive dorm w/ randomers who I won't know but will learn to love, OR get a student house which is both nearer to the campus, cheaper, has fewer friend-possibles, isn't catered at all BUT will include Oli as a house-mate, and all the fun that comes with that.
I really don't know...... I mean, all things point to the student house being the cheaper option -even when taking into consideration the fact it doesn't feed you, you're still paying £20 for food extra each week at the dorms, which is porbably quite a lot... maybe...
Plus it's nearer, and although I would get a yrs bus pass, we don't think that would cover going to and from the dorms.....
=/
ANYWAY, throwing my mind EVEN FURTHER into the future (and still totally ignoring the exams I need to ace first), Oli has kindly said/agreed to me coming along with him to China next time he goes to see his dear papa.
Admittedly, I still need to pay for a visa, (about £150 worth), plane tickets there/back - all of which shall make a tidy sum... but I can room with Oli/his dad's apartment, and that would probably count as my yrs holiday, so I can afford to spend money on it. And it's not til next yr (either easter or summer hols) so I have time to save money.
It's also going to be superawesome because a) I totally need to be better travelled. I mean, I've been to france plenty, but that's cause it's right next door. Other than that? Uh, Cornwall once.
And I think Majorca when I was really small, so all I remember is playing pokemon in the pool w/ ma bro.
Okay, I'm hardly ill-travelled.
But you have to admit, going to a non EU country probably would be good for me. Plus stuff there is really cheap, so I'll be able to buy nice clothes and that. Maybe go skating, cause apparently there's an skating rink. Yay me.
Now I can return my mind to the present, where a crazy night chem/bio/chem/bio/chem/chem revision awaits. In that order.
I hate chemistry.

They aren't even images of where I live... IT'S ALL A LIE

2009-05-14T14:55:00.000-07:00

Just checked my college email, and I have this weird ass email from my college whatevers:

"As Summer starts it is temping to walk through parks rather than stick to the main roads .

However, you should avoid being in large parks on your own and be mindful of sensible ways that reduce the chance of you being in any dangerous situation.

"

I'm fairly sure they could use some extra work on their presentation. But I guess as messages go, it's pretty simple. Thumbs Up 2 Industrial Pathways, and weird ass trees. Thumbs down to scenery enhanced strolls.
Smiley faces still are culturally relevant and/or down with da kidz, right?
But I think they also didn't consider that we all live in a place without idyllic looking parks to stroll through. Where I live is like the only town that is not only in the backwoods of nowhere, but still manages to be completely over developed and covered with small boys in trakkies.
They must get their information from trashy horrors. And before you're all, oh she's joking badly, I genuinely believe this to be true. The last time I went in the college office, they were moulding little men out of blu tak. And sticking paper clips into them. It's like, if they believe in voodoo, why not?

flick flac; my secret vice

2009-05-09T17:24:00.000-07:00

.flac
The moment I see that file extension, those four little letters, all in a row, my heart begins to beat that little extra, my sweat glands start to twitch slightly more, and I start to just overall feel better about life.
See, I normally try not to be a complete asshole about music quality. I mean, you check out my music blog, I don't doubt that some of the files I store on there are actually 128kbits. And that's because I'm usually quite fine in listening to that quality. I generally try to stick around 192kbits, for sure, but if it goes lower, then I can manage. And if it goes higher, then sure - I'm not going to complain about that, either.
But... .flac just has something about it, something magic, something special. The idea that you're getting exactly what the artists wanted to you hear, exactly how it was intended to be, just makes it all so much sweeter.
And the fact that my hard drive is fairly small in size means that I can't usually afford .flac. Fitting some files in mp3 V0 is hard enough.
Jeez christ, I sound like a complete audiophile now. I'm not, honest. It's just that when I get the chance of having a .flac moment, it's like some kind of treat. A really nice one. And I just got the entire That Dog. discography in .flac, and I'm going to have to convert it to mp3 sometime soon... so it's just real nice thinking of it. I've already decided I'm probably going to burn them to a disc anyway, so I'll have that.
But still.
It's odd actually, because .flac is the one music format that gives me the same kicks that having the physical CD does. I mean, I get kicks from having rare stuff on mp3, sure, but it being .flac is kinda neat and all and I'm going to shut up now, you're all looking at me weird.
But don't we all have weird-ass vices?
At least mine just involves music file extensions. I bet yours has... uh DRAGONS involved. Yeah, I bet you like to imagine dragons converted into .flac... or something.
But dragons won't have as high as audio quality as .flac in the first place, so .flac conversion would be pointless.
Yeah, see, at least my dreams aren't pointless.

Now, Are You Sitting Down Quietly? Then I'll Begin...

2009-04-27T15:02:00.000-07:00

I love reading.
No, I do.
You guys are probably all 'whoa'.
and 'No way, bitch'
But I do, most completely and utterly.
I love music, don't get me wrong.
But reading gives me a fuzzy feeling like no other.
It all started when I was a kid, and a first born. This gave me the advantage of having a mother who stayed home with me for my first yrs or so, and was only a part time worker for an awful long time. Which meant I got read to, a lot. And a lot of attention.
This is what I attribute my reading skills toward. Because you don't know this, but I read fast. No joke. Like, if there were trump cards of all the humans in the 'verse, and I had the trump card of Me in my hand, and you had the trump card of Youself in yours, I'd assume I could trump you using my 9 outa ten readin' ability, yo.
But in case I sound too boastful there, then reassure yourself in that you probably can trump me with most of your other stats (speshly sport). Just reading, I do it well, faster than anyone I know.
This being better at reading than most other stuff meant that I, well, did a lot of reading.
I also used to use my speed read ability so I could steal the forbidden books that resided on my parent's shelf (Primarily the Adrian Mole Cappuccino Yrs and Irvine Welsh one, although I sometimes varied it), read them in an afternoon, and try return them before my mother noticed (I don't think my dad cared much). In fact, the Adrian Mole book stealing ended up being a really big argument point between me and my mum, even though when she was really getting annoyed by it, I'd already read the book twice, and was mostly taking it for kicks.
I've just realised there wasn't much point in this post, except to establish that I have other interests aside from Pokemon, attractive auburn haired authors, pancakes, music, and biology.
But I'll plow on regardless.
I'm going to tell you about two books, whose existence, however vague, has probably been of great effect on me.

Firstly: The Bear Who Went Over the Mountain.
This was a library book my dad, probably ill advisedly, got out for me, and it was the best book I'd ever read at that point.
It was about this bear who one day decided he wanted to be human.
So he went over the mountain, and got some clothes, and hey hey, became an author.
Now, I read this way back, probably in y7 or 8 of secondary school, so excuse me for the terrible vagueness, but along his authorly way, he got sponsored by Cheesy Puffs (my first taste of marketing) and had sex with lots of woman that always seemed to have hairy legs. See, some people read that Julie Bloom book to find out about sex, I had a bear who had sex with hairy legged woman. Read from that what you will.
At the end, the bear is done being human, however much hairylegged sex he gets, and goes back over the mountain, returns the clothing, and is a bear again.
I've never read this book again, although I'd really like to.
It had a blue cover, probably with a moon on front of it, and maybe the title wasn't 'The Bear Who Went Over the mountain,' but something that was a common rhyme, that had the word Bear in it.

The second book I don't even recall the name, although I don't mind that so much, I don't mind not being able to read it again.
This time it was about a guy who is rather apathetic. The book starts out him throwing his mobile phone down the toilet because his girlfriend was being all irritating and proactive.
Then he decides to go to some Eastern European type place, for reasons I don't remember.
Now, this book was much more overly philosophical, to the point where the actual story was not as important. It had a main figure in this philosopher, whose great point was that life was not built to a peak where you felt absolutely high and wonderful. No, the idea of living life was for those moments where you are just sitting down, perhaps, with a friend and a beer, and just then you think to yourself - "This thing we call life isn't half bad'.
These are called 'The moments of enough', and they are something I have incorporated, and recognised into my life.
They're what I think of when I'm all warm and fuzzy, and my life is simple and somewhat perfect.
I don't feel like God and on top of the world at those moments, I just feel fine and warm, and that is enough.
The 'Moments Of Enough' are where the unnamed book have principally influenced me, and the second is a great deal more foolish sounding- the chapter that is basically devoted to describing how to run the perfect bath. Probably it was meant to be a metaphor for something or other, but at the time I didn't see it as that, and I wouldn't like to ruin it now by thinking of it as such. I just took it as another way of reaching a 'Moment Of Enough', as a good warm bath should be.
You probably have noticed that these two points both do not reference the storyline at all, which is true, because as I said, the storyline is not all that important - once the man reaches this unnamed country, he meets with a few of it's people- including the philosopher, whom is just a normal pheasant like the rest of us. He starts to get chased, for reasons I again do not remember, by the country's police/military police. There is esp. one person who chases him, who is either the cruel head of the entire country (probably not), or just the cruel head of the military police.
The book ends with him getting shot by this cruel head, although just before it happens, the cruel head pushes down his dark sunglasses, and our main character realises that the cruel head is actually him. I, at the time, thought this was a bit of a stupid and clumsy way to end the book, like the author had decided it might be clever when he ran out of other ideas. Looking back now, I can see how it might have worked well, esp. if the entire country was a metaphor.
But the book can't have been that amazing, or it would have awards and you would all know of it, and the title.

But those two books are what I think of often, and their short presence in my life.
Libraries are wonderful for providing you with a half-memory of books, but nothing solid.
It's not as irritating as you might think.
So, go forth, and read.

EDIT: Due to the wonder that is amazon, this is the Bear Book I was talking about.
I haven't any luck with the other book though, but my memory of it is much vaguer.

Sorry, Funnyordie, but I do this so much better

2009-04-24T17:25:00.000-07:00

A Gaythering Storm from Jane Lynch

I think my script would've have been way cooler.
More expensive.
But much cooler.
read it again here.

(tho I did like the umbrella bit, but that's partially b/c anything that has the slightest hint of jane lynch automatically wins)

Today I met this guy, and fell in love with him, then found out he was my families sworn enemy. Now I'm going to fake my death, it's the only way out.

2009-04-21T15:33:00.000-07:00

Romeo & Juliet.
The pair that the ampersand was created to connect.
Today I was helping my brother with his English cw, and I realised - Shakespeare actually has quite wonderful wordplay.
You're probably going, yeah, duh, that's why they make us learn it... but seriously.
When I last did Shakespeare, I was 15/6, oversexed, and just concentrated on making the characters have funny voices when I read it out. I also looked down on people that found it 'hard to read', and analyzed it in a very meat/potatoes type way, concentrating on just squeezing as many marks out of it as I could.
It probably didn't help that I had to do Much Ado About Nothing and The Tempest, which I remember had a rapey monster thing, and Keanu Reeves in.
Actually, the tempest was okay at the start, because we were going to watch this film about it, and the film was kinda adult? I mean, for a class of oversexed 14yr olds, it was. We watched about ten minutes of naked performances before Mrs Sullivan gave a scottish sounding shriek and flung herself in front of the Screen, in order to protect our virgin eyes.
Then we had to actually read the book, yeah, I know.
Anyway, the whole point was that I didn't really think about appreciating the books.
And right now, reading Romeo & Juliet, it's pretty wonderful. I think he's quite immense.
I mean, ignoring the whole teen lust thinking it's love and then killing each other because of it.
Aside from that, great shit, man.
I was also thinking how calling that guy this one name, Romeo, has just brought a slang term into nearly everyone's internal dictionary. Kinda neat.
I'm glad he didn't get called Benedict.
No, really.

I know all, and am merely enlightening you

2009-04-18T06:05:00.001-07:00

Firstly, Roman Catholics, who don't allow birth control.
I'm not entirely sure how you know where to draw the line for exactly how much science can help you to conceive/not conceive, but you should stop it. The bible had a surrogate pregnancy, so you can have one as well.
And I'm fairly sure that the rhythm method is a kind of really not useful science. So quit it. In fact, stop going to doctors altogether, in case you accidently use science that God doesn't wan tyou to have.
Really.
Quit it now.

Secondly, Muslims- please start allowing adoption. That would be really nice. I promise you can love a kid you've adopted, and on the off chance I accidentally marry a Muslim, I'd like to be able to adopt, cause I am really not getting pregnant.

Obv. I haven't corrected all the religions in the world with this post, but it'll do for a start.

Just die

2009-04-17T08:45:00.000-07:00

This, here, is one of those posts I can't respond to because my reply would probably something along the lines of:
"YOU SNOBBY DICKHEAD. DO YOU NOT FUCKING REALISE HOW RETARDED YOU SOUND?
Ps. And also, as if anyone's gonna miss having KoL.
Pps. You are still a complete cunt."

Except it wouldn't even be spelt right, thus providing this guy with even more reason to argue back at me.
Honestly though, can people tone down the snobbery?
Do I need to remind everyone that I used to love wearing sports clothes, and still love my trainers like no one else?
I live in the goddamn north, and in a place that leads people to go 'Ohhh...' and look sadly at you.
But hell, I know my music.
True, I may not like what you like, but I will know exactly as much about it as you do.
I could go through the genres' I've checked out, and that I can even find decent stuff to like in country, which is something most of the myspace heroes can't manage (witness the oft used 'I like everything, except country').
And even if I don't like something so much, I try not to insult it. I try not name drop obscure bands if I'm talking music with someone I don't know well, because I know how twattish it sounds if you just sit there, naming all these bands that they don't know, and they're like: Uh, what?
Meh, I just read another post of this 'Genre Spanner' fellow, and he now sounds very boring in addition to being a snobby twat. So now I really dislike him, troll or no.

In an unrelated note, I saw Spanna todays, which was cool cause I hadn't seen him in a while, and he's a nice guy to know. I wish I'd seen him earlier so I could've invited him to my house party thing, because his drunken antics would've made my passing out at 11pm look like a responsible person's thing to do.
In a further unrelated note, I have the best brother in the world, because even though I spent most of yesterday collapsed on the floor, moaning, he tidied up, like, most of the mess for me, and didn't have a go at me for being useless/lethargic.

internal dialogue

2009-04-13T12:06:00.000-07:00

that phone buzzing... it's probably her you know... aren't you going to answer it?
No, leave it, leave it, otherwise she'll think you're just sitting around waiting for her response.
But I am.
Still, must keep up with the pretense.
Leave it.
Leave it, I say.

I think there should be this thing where...

2009-04-13T10:40:00.000-07:00

if someone you like an awful lot in a secretive way is going to text you, you should be warned. Like, with a pre-text from someone else - "I just saw S*** texting suspiciously- be ready"
This would mean I could prepare myself for this possible text, and not get a shock when they actually do.
Then I wouldn't spit coffee everywhere, and have my parents view me with raised brows.
And I would get ready to catchy my stomach when it tries to leap out of my mouth. Or attempt some type of acrobatics.

But at least we're texting.
Even if my stomach is right now on the floor in front of me, along with the coffee.

"People have been teabagging for a long time, and will probably continue"

2009-04-12T16:20:00.001-07:00

Not that I usually say that witty things anyway, but this really doesn't need anymore.
And yes, Tea Bagging.
I'm just shocked after all their homophobia, they're so into teabagging.
Double standard, much?
WHO WOULDN'T WANT TO TEABAG JOHN MCCAIN?
TEABAGGING 24/7!
I love everyone and everything.
It just gets more ridiculous as it goes on.

Gay Marriage: Is it still ruining YOUR life?

2009-04-10T16:05:00.000-07:00

Look, I don't know why they STILL aren't asking me to write these adverts. I would do them so much better:

*Stormy weather, lightening crackles...*
Figures stand around, of many different creeds and ethnic groups. There aren't any gay, or british people there, because British people are pretty gay, I think.
The WASP woman: BAD THINGS ARE COMING
The token black guy: REMEMBER BIBLE CLASS?
Indian guy: That rapture thing?
Nazi guy: IT's SOOOOO happening. Honest.
*sudden crazy lightening... the sky parts... and ELTON JOHN APPEARS!*
Elton John: I'm GONNA FUCKING RUIN YOU ALL!
All the non gay/british people scream...
WASP woman: FUCK YOU ELTON JOHN!
Elton John: *Laughs* BITCH, YOUR MARRIAGE IS TOAST!
WASP Woman: *cries*
Elton John then turns to the black guy: Seen your son lately?
BG: Uh... no, I think he's at school...
Elton John: *smirks, in a gay/british way* in a public school?
BG: Why... yes- *stops, is in shock* No! YOU MONSTER!
*the black guy's son appears.*
BG's Son: Daddy, guess what I learnt today?
BG: *Breathes heavily, starts looking really worried* Not... not about...
BG's Son: I learn how I can marry a prince!
BG: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Elton John: And that's not all! I also gave out free copies of my CDs!
BG's Son: Look Daddy, I can sing Tiny Dancer now!
BG: *sobs...*
Doctor Lady: *suddenly rushes forward* Don't worry- I can save your song from the gay!
BG: *heart lightens* Rrrreally?
DL: YES!
Elton: OH NO YOU CAN'T
DL: Why?
Elton: BECAUSE NOW GAY PEOPLE CAN MARRY... UHM... YOU FOR SOME REASON CAN'T BE A DOCTOR...
DL: NO! *she stops doing doctorly things, and is paralyzed forever. Plus maybe she's turned gay. I don't know*
*the camera zooms out, showing general destruction that is caused by Elton John and his gang. Straight people are shown crying, their marriages ruined, and left worthless-
Indian Guy: I now no longer love my wife, ever since gay people can marry! -
the background music is We Are The Champions, by Queen*

See?
WHY don't I get to make these adverts????
It had everything - A celebraty appearence, action, a cool soundtrack, and a little kid to pull on the heart strings of all the adults.
Although it may've had a few too many capsloks. But this is because I needed to get out my rage somehow.

(In case you didn't know: this is the second time I've shown my superior script writing skills off. You can find the first time here. I don't know which is better. Probably the first, because then I had optimism.)

The Inbetweeners Vs Skins

2009-04-09T15:57:00.001-07:00

It's like, two episodes before skins ended, I suddenly realised it wasn't half bad. And that I was actually enjoying it an awful lot.
But then I started watching the inbetweeners.
And Oh lawd, it is so much better.
I know that they're two completely different shows and all, but Skins just gets boring. They're so bothered about having 'issues' and being hip, you're just like: Yawn.
Plus slightly jealous because you live in a small industrial garden town where they have no underground clubs nor mdma.
This doesn't happen w/ the inbetweeners!
They're just as loserish as me!
Inbetweeners is also a lot funnier, because it doesn't have to bother with a huge plot line, and when Skins tries to be funny it tends to push the realism right out of the window, which contrasts badly with the parts when it is all 'real'. But the inbetweeners treads that line a lot better. And more confidently.
Ah, I just love it.
And don't bemoan the lack of gay plot lines.

Efron, Zac

2009-04-09T11:55:00.000-07:00

Stars in 7teen again.
Which hope upon hope, I'm going to be seeing come this wednesday.
ahhh.
He is quite nice though.
Then aftrwrds is my much awaited haus partay.
And yeah, if you were wondering, my blog has become my new platform for me to write exactly how I'd like to speak, if I weren't afeared of gettin smakd in tha mout.
Today my friend Tom went up in my estimation. You see, I'd oft seen him around college reading some twilight book. You know, too often for it to have been an accident. So I'd had him down as a twilifag, if a nice one who didn't take ole Eddie C's principles too closely to heart.
But NO, because he was disccusiing his girlfriend's birthday present, and was quite insulting towards dear Stephy Meyer.
Twinkling Vampires?
What the fuck, we both agreed.
So good for you Tom.
Plus five brownie points.

Marley And Me; It alliterates, doncha know

2009-04-06T09:13:00.000-07:00

So I just finished reading the book (verdict: much better than the film, actually made me feel sad+warm inside at the end), and I had my dog beside me, on my bed (Yup, I am one of those people that smells like dog), and I was like: Let's write a thing about her.
Biscuit has the crappiest name ever. When we first got her from the dog shelter (all the way over in Bradford, where Gareth Gates was born), she was already named that. We picked her because she a) fitted all our requirements - youngish, female - and the other dog that was a possibility barked like crazy.
On the way home she threw up on my adidas fleece, and I didn't notice until I got out of the car and weird chunks fell off of my sleeve.
She'd only been at the dog shelter for 24hrs, and had still managed to lose all toilet training skills in that time.
She's a mongrel, although we think mostly terrier, because she barks at everything, and also a bit of greyhound because she can run like crazy, and had a similar build.
She smells awful, pretty much all the time, no matter how many baths we give her with Loreal Childrens Shampoo.
We used to stake her out in the garden, but she would always find a way to escape.
Always.
Once she ran away for more than five hours and when we finally found her I was happier than pretty much anything, ever.
She can tell car's engines apart, and people's walks, and never barks if family comes to the door.
The postman's parcels are not family- most any papers we get have bitemarks in them.
I love her an awful lot.

I'm not exactly a cat lover, probably because they always seem to hate me. Really. And I don't care if liking dogs because they have boundless affection makes me a less complex person. I'd rather be simple and happy than complex and sad.
In fact, on both sides of our family, we're all dog lovers. My Grandma and Les have had a string of mongrel terriers, and my Granny and Grandad have had a string of black labradors.
Like, even the one time they tried to branch out into getting a rescue dog, they went there and a black labrador was there, a-waitin' for them. He went cheap because he had no Kennel Club whatevers.
Out of all these dogs, the one I knew that most resembled Marley would have been Henry, a black lab who was crazy fun. He used to take the walking sticks from old people and try to play fetch. (yes, it's funny, not mean). He used to low down growl at any sales people who made their way into the house, meaning that they didn't tend to push the sale.
Dogs are ace.
I don't know so many cats that would do that, y'know.

warmandfuzzy

2009-04-04T15:01:00.000-07:00

I love this feeling you get, like when you're mildly drunk, only a little, just enough to not think about some stuff, but to be able to move, also relax without being all twitchy.
It's just good.
And I kind of love people who love everyone, and haven't a nasty bone in their body.
I think being with one of those people would be like being able to have that feeling all the time.
Everyone is a bit mean nowadays, and that makes me feel sad.
But still, I'm slightly drunk, and warm anyway.
I absolutely love listening to the microphones in my current state.
And dreaming of writers that live in new york.
Who would hopefully both have auburn hair and like me back.
We would totally go walking in the park during the day, and I wouldn't even mind the other people around.

I'm still looking forward to my party, but the type of drunk I get with friends is rowdy and loud and attention seeking. It's funny, too, and I don't attack anyone, but I'll be listening to pumpy music.
I love making mixtapes, but at the moment I'm making a soft warming one that will only be suitable for the party after 2am or something.
You know, when we've all paired/three-ed off, and are being sex obsessed.
And I just know it'll be awkward, because my friends are a mixed bunch, and while the group that I'm mainly inviting are technically all best friends, they all come with screwy undercurrents nowadays.
Like, C loves K, although they broke up and they still get together occasionally, but then K also is starting to like J, and J likes K back awfully, although J did fancy C, like only a few weeks ago.
Or A likes O, but has a boyfriend, and O doesn't like A that way, but still would if he was drunk, and so O and A could well become a thing.
This will allow the previously mentioned C to become all righteous, because at the moment she and him are in an argument over C's treatment of J, and she's like to feel above him at the moment.
So putting them all in one room and giving them alcohol is a good idea, yes.
And you think that's a complex web? It's only a piece of it, and I have difficulty understanding it myself.
People aren't as simple and warm as I would want them to be.
Why?

Jesus Camp Caused This... All Of This.

2009-04-03T15:13:00.000-07:00

Religion is one helluva subject. And probably one that shouldn't be tackled with a starting sentence that contains the word 'helluva'. Regardless, I'm going to go for it tonight.
No, that's not true. I'm going to talk about a small segment of religion that is only just having a slight effect on my life.
Christianity.
More to the point, Christianity that messes with a) My precious science, and b) my slightly less precious government.
Firstly, I'm a big science kid. I love it. Well, I don't love doing chemistry and physics. But I think the people that can do those things are pretty awesome. Respect and all. And biology? Well, I really love that. I don't think we need to go into how much I like biology. Probably borders on the insane stalker thing. However, this doesn't mean I hate all religious people. No way, no how. One of my best friends is a proper Christian, in the sense that anyone in England is properly christian nowadays. And my grandparents are christian, and I don't think any less of them for it; they're intelligent people.
But that's probably because neither Jamie, nor my Grandparents, have tried to get me to believe in the absolute baloney that is Intelligent Design.
Look, I accept that science's evolution theory has a lot of spaces and unanswered questions. It's far from a full explanation. However, science works to correct this. We like to find out new things, test them, add them into what we're learning. We like to learn.
Religion doesn't do this. Religion tends to get an idea, consider it absolute truth, and then when something that proves it wrong pops up, they don't change the theory, they make up an explanation so the new evidence now doesn't mean a thing.
It's kinda like science, only backwards.
For example, with the fossils that implied, fairly strongly, that oh, actually, the world is a lot older than the bible says. So instead of religion saying, "Oh, maybe you've got a point- the theory we're holding at the moment is kinda foolish, really", they decide that God put those fossils there to test us.
See? Changing not the end result, but something else.
It's like hanging onto the past, which as many things have shown us doesn't work out.
But even if Christians keep on doing this, I don't mind much so long as you don't get any of that stuff near me. I don't want to have to discuss your unscientific theories as if they're relevant, thanks. And really, truly? The fact that they're unscientific, and not tested and proven as much as is possible like science theories generally are, means that they should not be in SCIENCE lessons.
It's RELIGION, not science.
Deal.
I know I'm English, so I don't have this issue, but some kids in America do.
And I know that as a kid I was wayyyy suggestible.
And before you go, yeah, I guess your parents indoctrinated me with Atheist stuff- no, they didn't.
I went to church once a year, and never was I told Christianity was anything other than fairly respectable. True, my parents believe in a very vague version of it, where God started everything off, and where he'll be there at the end and everywhere else science plays a starring role - but it's still a version. It's like, what most of English Christians believe (along with most of the English vicars).
I know that while I'd like to get rid of all religion (I know people would find other things to row about, and that some people need that kind of thing, but yeah), if I were ever in the crazy position of having the chance to then, assuming that this meant I was the ultimate ruler of the 'verse, I wouldn't be getting rid of religion.
No way.
Religion leads people like lambs.
Esp. the vague version of it. Greek and roman religion types never flourished because they were so complex, and easily proven wrong.
Christianity is the vaguest, unprovable religion yet, with no rough edges - all smooth. All we need to do is make Jesus Christ into something very vague and possibly ghost like, then all of it will be unable to be proven wrong.
That's why it's kinda big.
So if I were ruling you all, then I'd sure as heck be using religion to keep you all under my thumb.
But seeing as you all don't get to be ruled by me, then I don't want your religion on my politics either.
Especially the gay thing.
Cause, you know the friend I have who is totally christian? He's also pretty gay.
Do you really want to get rid of any followers you have at this point?
It wouldn't be as irritating and hideous if all Christians felt the same way about the gay thing (well, it would, but I'm trying to make a point here). But it's like, about 25% of a religion decided that Gay people getting married (a marriage that wouldn't even be a religious thing) is wrong, so, oh oh, too bad. No marriage.
And fuckit, I don't tell you whether you can marry or not.
I didn't exactly get to vote on whether Britney Spears could marry a guy for 24hrs.
And that was probably somehow religious.
Damn, now my blood is all angried up.

I actually remember writing an essay on being an Atheist in yr 8 at Secondary school. The general gist of it was that Christianity seemed nice- but the way people put across the benefits of Christianity- you get to live longer, more chance of surviving diseases and being happier- just made it seem like a package deal. Like, Oh, you worship God, go to church, and you can have all these bonuses. Which made it seem very cheap. I'd really rather be unhappier, and hang out with science, cos they're fun people and like new things.
In fact, science is pretty much my God now.
If Darwin came to me like the holy ghost, at this point, I'd totally be doing whatever he told me, just like I do whatever Stephen Hawking tells me to atm. Because he talks to me. Like, all the time. In my head. Does your God do that for you? Thought not.

So, in conclusion:
Religion is fine for you. And only you. Not me.
Don't make it science, it's not. It's defined differently in the dictionary, see.

Conversations With Bouncers Part 2

2009-04-02T03:23:00.001-07:00

Bouncer dude: IDs please.
*Looks pointedly at Oli*
Oli: I, uhm... came straight from work. Straight here. So, I, like... don't-
B: Sorry, no ID, no entry.
Oli: But... but...
B: *Shakes Head* Bye now.
Oli: I CAN DRIVE!
*general confusion*
B: So, drive back home, and get your ID.
Oli: But I came here on a train...
*They look like they might relent but*
B's Friend: Anyhow, 17yr olds can drive.
B: Oh. Yeah.
Oli: *scrambling for excuses* I can drive stream trucks.
*collective wat.*
Oli: You need to be 18 to drive those.
B: Uh. What is a steam truck?
Oli: Mutters, stutters.
Me: It's like, a truck that runs on steam. They're used in the anaratic, to keep us warm and stuff.
*attention turns to me*
B: Where's YOUR ID?
Me: I came straight from work as well.
B: Like, do you also drive steam trucks?
Me: No. Ice Trucks. I'm an Ice Trucker. You may have seen me on that show, Ice Truckers.
B's Friend: Oh- I seen that. Didn't see you though.
B: *narrows eyes*: If you're on that show, what are you doing here, and not IN THE ICE, trucking?
Me: stutters, mutters.
Oli: Well, of course, we came straight from work, from Antarctica.
B: Just leave.

Disclaimer: If anyone does read this, this was totally made up, and I am over 18, I just keep forgetting my ID. Like, crazy, I know.

No standards, but what do we care

2009-04-01T15:44:00.000-07:00

Stranger: hi

You: Hallo

Stranger: deutsch?

You: No

Stranger: ok :)

You: I just enjoy adding As to all my words ^_^

Stranger: veray funnay

Stranger: vary fanny, rathar

You: Indeed :P

Stranger: has something :)

You: well, I like to think so

You: DON'T FUCKING STEAL IT FROM ME

You: sorry

You: random anger

Stranger: SARRY, WANT HAPPEN AGAIN

You: it comes and goes

You: FUCKINGGGGGGGGGGG DIE

Stranger: aaps

You: MY A AND MY A

You: I WANT THEM BACK

You: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Stranger: gonno ose os now

You: (HAVE NOW COLLECTED ALL As IN THE WORLD)

You: I feel better now

Stranger: youre a pro

You: You can snort 'A'

You: did you know that A tastes liek watermelon?

Stranger: did you ever have sex with A?

You: it's awatermelon

You: bitch, please

You: I have sex with people

You: not letters

Stranger: it has a hole, at least :P

You: -_-

You: *mutters about your sexual habits*

Stranger: try that with an I!

You: What

You: 'I's are so much easier

You: Not that I ever tried it

Stranger: for girls

You: And guys

You: with anal passages

You: and ear holes

Stranger: ok, convinces me :)

You: FuckI love ear holes

Stranger: really?

You: where's the weirdest place you ever had sex?

Stranger: they look WEIRD

You: so do your nipples

Stranger: mmh

You: we just are nice about it and never say so

Stranger: my napples :/

You: HEY

You: I SAW THAT

Stranger: does a toilet house inmidst the woods count as weird?

You: well

You: it depends

You: was it with an ogre?

Stranger: nope, a girl

You: a girl ogre?

Stranger: of human race, i think :P

You: hmmmmm

You: what class

You: warrior?

You: Thief?

Stranger: hm

Stranger: tourist? :P

You: :O

You: Very weird

Stranger: yours?

You: she asks you to show her the sights, and you show her a toilet

You: also a penis

You: how bad is that

You: Hmmmmmm

You: Im completely normal

You: I had sex on a table

Stranger: sounds like a nice sight to me :P

Stranger: c'mon

Stranger: ok

You: Table sex

You: In college

Stranger: i had sex on the floor

Stranger: right where i sit atm :P

You: it wasn't weird, just unnerving

You: :O

You: No wai

You: amerifag?

Stranger: german

You: Ohhhhhhh

You: I see

You: Im english

Stranger: lol, now its ok? :P

You: the tree toilet thing is okay?

You: No, that's NEVER okay

Stranger: for germans

Stranger: :P

You: but the german thing is acceptable

Stranger: at least

Stranger: thanks for not immediately calling me a nazi

You: Hmm

You: I resisted the temptation

Stranger: :P

You: ^_^

Stranger: moralfag :

You: me? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

You: Ill start beign mean then

You: YO

Stranger: NAAAA

Stranger: :D

You: NAZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII

You: STOP HAVING SEX IN TOILETS

Stranger: not me!

You: and

You: next time a girl wants you to show her a good time?

You: Protip: forests and sheds aren't it

Stranger: what then?

You: hmmmmmm

Stranger: O RLY

You: Im not sure

You: Ill get back to you on that

Stranger: what's the weirdest place you fapped?

You: Im female

Stranger: you paffed :)

You: we do not fap, or engage in any type of sexual behavior

You: EVER

Stranger: poor gals :P

You: Lol

You: Purse of heart, I am

You: purse?
wtf

Stranger: no wonder you are so frustrated all the time :P

You: I meant to say: Pure

Stranger: :DDD

Stranger: ROFL

Stranger: "one heart, plox"

You: FUCK YOU

You: I saw that A

Stranger: i doubt anyone on 4chan is pure of heart

Stranger: or terribly horrified :D

You: 4chan?

You: What's that

Stranger: lol

You: lol?

You: What's that

Stranger: you're a terrible faker

You: faker?

You: WHAT ARE THESE WORDS

Stranger: did your bf tell you? :D

You: AND WHY ARE YOU USING THEM

Stranger: FOR TEH LULZ

You: No

You: JK

You: I totally know of tha chans

Stranger: you sound like it

You: Uhm

You: Thanks

You: NNNNNNNNNNNOT

Stranger: FFFUUUUUUUUU

Stranger: (no A, see?)

You: You used an 'a' when saying '4chAn' and 'fAker'

You: I haven't forgotten

Stranger: ms. smartypants

Stranger: smAAAArtypAAAAnts

You: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

You: I NEED THOSE 'A'S for blackmail purposes

You: also food

Stranger: teh witermoluns

You: Yes

You: The wAtermelons

Stranger: dont you need the other letters for blackmail purposes as well?

You: what, like 'e'?

You: No

You: 'e' sucks

You: it's no one's friend

Stranger: do you know jeff noon by chance?

You: uhm..... brb...... Im totally not wikipedia-ing him and pretending like I do

Stranger: lol

Stranger: he has some stories on letters

Stranger: In Qwertyphobia characters are allergic to certain letters of the alphabet. In Alphabox (a recurring tale) a writer puts together a book one precious letter of the alphabet a day, the letters hand-delivered to him.

You: :O

Stranger: i read that long ago

You: There's a french book called the void, where the writer goes without using the letter 'e' whatsoever throughout

Stranger: oh yes

You: and the translation also manages this

Stranger: totally sick

You: I know

You: And in Milo's tollbooth

You: or whatever it's called

You: the Phantom Tollbooth

You: that's where I learnt about 'a' tasting liek watermelon

You: Z tastes too stale, not enough people use it

Stranger: Eunoia by Christian Bök in which each chapter is restricted to a single vowel, missing four of the five vowels. For example the fourth chapter does not contain the letters A, E, I or U.

Stranger: haha

You: wow

You: Im all very impressed

Stranger: massive effort

You: Look at me expanding my mind

Stranger: A typical sentence from this chapter is "Profs from Oxford show frosh who do post-docs how to gloss works of Wordsworth."

You: ><

Stranger: >_>

You: Sounds like shakesphere on drugs

Stranger: Gyles Brandreth re-wrote some of Shakespeare's works: Hamlet without the letter "I" redoing the oft-quoted soliloquy "To be or not to be, that's the query"; Macbeth without "A" or "E"; Twelfth Night without "O" or "L"; Othello without "O".

You: Okay

You: That can also sound liek Shakessphere on drugs as well, if you want

Stranger: some people got too much time :P

You: Yeah

You: Not us though

You: We spend our time well

You: So usefully ^_^

Stranger: yeah :P

Stranger: whatcha doing in real life?

You: CHILLAXING

You: i mena

You: Im keepin' it real man

You: might smoke up in a bit

You: chill, yo

You: how about yo self?

Stranger: enjoying my holiday

Stranger: until the semester starts again

Stranger: -.-

Stranger: A A A A

You: semester

You: Not american, much

Stranger: nope

You: I got my easter holiday end of this week

You: my parents are gwan away

You: can you say house partyyyyyyyy???

Stranger: house party \o/

Stranger: :DD

Stranger: i just wanted to say

You: mm?

Stranger: house party

Stranger: :P

Stranger: do you have a mybrute? :P

You: FUCK OFF

You: GAYEST THING ever

Stranger: so true

Stranger: hahaha :P

You: (you also used an 'a')

Stranger: but kinda pacifist

Stranger: sheesh

You: I ahet the whole way people are like "Uhhhghh, all this stuff is cancer..." then they go wank over mybrute

Stranger: i hate all the threads

You: every single one?

Stranger: but i accidentally a mybrute :P

You: GAY GAY GAY

You: CANCER KILLING EEB

Stranger: =)

You: SMILE SMILE

Stranger: oldfag?

You: CANCER KILLING SMALE

You: I couldn't give a fuck

You: but, you know

You: someone has to use capslok

Stranger: doesnt work here :P

You: what

You: lis

Stranger: capslock

You: *lies

Stranger: it's like control here

Stranger: SRSLY

You: FUCK YOU

You: I SAW THAT CAPS

Stranger: I HOLD SHIFT ALL THE TIME

Stranger: WITH MY PINKY

You: W/E

Stranger: wat

You: It means whatever

Stranger: oh

Stranger: nvm

Stranger: :-P

You: pfffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffftttttttttttttt

Stranger: last words of a balloon

You: hahahah

You: that made me lol an awful lot

You: have an internet

Stranger: :P

You: Im so stealign that

You: Ill even forgive you your overuse of the 'a'

Stranger: ur welcame :P

You: BITCH DID NOT

Stranger: BITCH

Stranger: dont you like puppies?

You: Uhm

You: I dont' know

You: I've never seen a puppy

You: -_-

Stranger: actually i dont

You: you don't what?

You: Don't eat?

You: Don't eat .........

You: PUPPYS?

Stranger: like puppies

You: really?

You: Im a dog person

You: mindless love

Stranger: i'm a cat person, at most

You: much better than cat's hate of all

Stranger: animals scare me

You: really?

You: I mean, I don't much like rottweilers

Stranger: make me uncomfortable at least

You: or those skinny rat things

You: but Im definetly gonna have a dog

You: at soem point

You: I mean

You: I have a dog already

Stranger: :P

You: but it's my families

Stranger: ic

You: Yup

You: also, she smells

Stranger: does she menstruate?

Stranger: saw that once. pretty gross

You: Nope

You: she is a female in name only

You: been fixed

Stranger: ah

You: yeah

Stranger: most are i guess

You: AWKWARD

You: Oh

You: Yeah

You: they are

You: dogs still attempt to rape her tho

You: My bf used to get off on watching it

You: TIL I CUT HIS PENIS OFF

You: I mean

You: until I fixed him

Stranger: you fixed your bf?

You: Yeash, Fixed him real good

Stranger: poor fellow :P

You: lol

You: he's no longer really a fellow.....

You: :P

Stranger: lol

You: nah

You: srsly

You: we just had sex with the dog

You: was pretty cool

Stranger: yeah sure

You: So, really

Stranger: pics or it didnt happen

You: the weirdest place I had sex was in a dogs ear

Stranger: *mutters about your sexual habits*

You: rather than the table thing

You: FUCK YOU

You: TOILET BOY

Stranger: :D

Stranger: BITCH BITCH

You: DOG FUCKER

You: Oh

You: wait

Stranger: fail

You: Sniiff

You: Hmm

You: YOU'RE A MALE

Stranger: sniffin' A's, eh?

You: ^_^ right on

Stranger: you must have a big nose :P

You: :O

You: My nose is as small as your penis

Stranger: wait, i thought of watermelons

You: Pfffffffffffffffffttttttttt

Stranger: waterlemons, mmh

You: Lemons

You: they're nice

You: know what else is nice?

Stranger: yeah

You: Dead people

Stranger: they are peaceful

You: the smell of formaldehyde is so fuckign hot

Stranger: eww

You: Look

Stranger: no

You: we've already established that you're the weirdo in this convo

You: I can say anythin and still be normal

You: Also, cocks

Stranger: you like them, eh?

Stranger: YOU would be NOTHING without COCKS

Stranger: because...

Stranger: ... you can't fuck your A's.

You: Waiiiiiit

You: I can fashion a makeshift penis

Stranger: :P

You: USING AN 'A'

You: (SPACE FOR MIND TO BE BLOWN)

Stranger: oO

Stranger: you are the most weird person i ever talked to

You: Yeah

Stranger: i like you :P

You: and isn't it making you hard

You: Oh

You: Damn you

Stranger: it is :/

You: stop typing so fast

You: :D

Stranger: :P

Stranger: fapfapfap

You: :O

You: I always wodnered right

Stranger: =)

You: If you're fapping

You: Why type it out?

You: I don't type: breathing in

You: breathing out

You: breathing in

You: breahing out

Stranger: i didnt before

You: thinking of sex

You: thinking of penis

You: tables....... they hurt.,..........

You: OMG A DOG

You: okay done

Stranger: <3

You: done typin my throughts now

Stranger: Protip: use a pillow on the table :P

Stranger: or be on top =)

Stranger: speechless, eh?

You: Lol

You: That, or

You: my internet is very slow

Stranger: :/

You: and Im downloading some hawt dog porn

Stranger: eww

You: and yeah, but I don't generally carry around pillows in college ^_^

Stranger: heh

You: I will from now on though

You: or be more dominant

Stranger: always be ready

You: Be prepared

You: tis the boy scounts metto

Stranger: ah right

You: metto?

You: motto

Stranger: "allzeit bereit" in germany :)

You: ^_^

You: Ill take your word for it

Stranger: and bereit == ready

You: but won't say it in case it really means : "I Suck dog cock

Stranger: i guess they suck off each other

You: if by they, you mean by bf, and the dog?

You: Then yes

You: HEll yes

Stranger: i meant the boy scouts but whatever :P

You: lol

You: the founder of the boy scounts turned out to be a pedophile

You: so probably yes

Stranger: hehe

You: ^_^

You: Let's play this game

Stranger: which?

You: where you give me yoru msn address

You: and I add you

You: and then give it to /b/ so they can rape the fuck out of you

Stranger: and then?

You: and I can laugh

Stranger: hah

Stranger: NO WAI

You: but later, Ill be sad

You: and turn up at your house with a dozen roses

You: and say: Yo, come have sex with me in a toilet - ON A TABLE

Stranger: and we fuck on the table

Stranger: =)

You: great minds think alike

Stranger: yah :)

You: so that happens

You: and it's like a love sotry

Stranger: ok, so lets skip part 1 :^)

You: except after the sex, Im like: Where're the dogs

You: and you're like: WHAT

You: And I'm like, totally dude

Stranger: :D

You: I wasn't lieing about the dogs

You: and you sigh

You: and our marriage is a sham cause every sunday I have sex with dogs

Stranger: doesnt it hurt?

You: I don't know

You: Im always drugged and snorting 'a' at the time

Stranger: lol

You: so yeah

You: em es em, plox?

Stranger: =)

You: =[

Stranger: i'll add you

You: hmmmm

You: am suspisious

Stranger: you can trust me

You: ^_^

You: whatever

Stranger: SRSLY

D'Awwwwww...... it never happened

2009-04-01T10:52:00.000-07:00

"Chrissakes India- do not wear those shoes to next. You'll fall over and die" (My mother)
"What if I want to fall over and die?" My seven yr old sister, apparently onto her teen phase already.
Actually because she is only seven, I'm not sure whether I can put this in the 'Cute things that kids say' box.
Meh.
She doesn't really say cute things as such as really ridiculous ones:

"So lottie will come back home when she's pregnant?"

(She either thinks that I'm a complete whore, or that Uni is a breeding ground. They're both quite plausible, really.)

And in other news: I sat in front of the computer for a full ten mintues spazzing out at the internet not working when I realised: My brother had unplugged me.
The gimpweed.

In the last piece of news, ever.
My parents are gwan away, with my righteous sister, and hopeully my brother will leave for the night as well.
Soooo............
Can you spell NIGHT LONG FALLOUT3 PLAYING?
No?
Well, aside from being a worse speller than me, it's cool.
I'm actually having a party.
With friends.
(real ones).
Quite looking forward to this.

I don't hate you, honest.

2009-03-29T16:17:00.000-07:00

Here, apparently all lesbians hate men.
We don't, promise.
Just cause someone doesn't want to have sex with you doesn't mean they hate you.
I mean, plenty of people I know I wouldn't have sex with/ vice versa, and we're good friends.
Anyhow, trust me, you don't want to have sex with me.
I give terrible head, and get bored five seconds in.
So yeah, you aren't missing out on much.

EDIT: It just occurred to me that this post of previous might make this all seem very odd.
But I was really just referring to the group of boys down my street who ARE annoying, and if all men were like them, then I take back the above statement.

If Twilight Was Real

2009-03-28T16:58:00.000-07:00

It is Friday.
It is Friday night.
It is Friday night and I am on his bed.
My head is against his pillow, and his head is beside that.
I can hear him breathing, deeply.
In, out.
In, out.
I wish he would stop.
In, out.
In, out.

It all started so well.
We met at a party – both of us, trying to escape the too loud music, seeking refuge in the bathroom.
Half drunk, we thought it was funny to hide in the bathtub, and jump out at unsuspecting folk.
When we grew tired of that, we thought it would be an idea to sleep there, too.
Waking up, half protected by his arms, half pained from the hard white surface, I didn’t feel as ruinous as I normally did on the mornings after.
He looked blurry around the edges, until he kissed me. Then everything slid into focus, and we were suddenly together.

But now he’s lying next to me, breathing, still.
In, out.
In, out.
In, fucking, out.
This was not the way this was meant to go.

I’d been excited all day long.
Not only was I finally going round to his house, to meet his parents, I was also going to be finally seeing his room, and fully knowing him.
He was all kinds of magic, and he was mine, and we still joked about the time we played hide and seek in a bathroom.
I was so glad, happy.
Excited.
For the night.
It would have to happen, wouldn’t it?
None of my friends knew anything about it.
They didn’t know about the condom in my coat pocket, which crinkled every time I moved too sharply.
They didn’t know about the night I had planned.
They didn’t know anything, wouldn’t have understood anyhow.
How could they know, when they didn’t see the magic.
He fucking glitters.

In, out.
In, out.
I turn and watch his chest rise and fall.
Look upwards, see the lopsided smile on his sleeping face.
In, out.
In, out.
Where’s the sparkle?

I met him at the door.
His door.
He seemed so male, suddenly.
Like, before, I’d only seen him as some overly touchy friend.
But now.
I half expected him to be balding, with that much testosterone.
“Coming in?”
A lopsided smile.
I must have looked nervous for a second because his smile turned away.
“It’s cool. My parents’re out. No need to meet them.”
The smile reappears.
He holds out his hand, pulls me in for a kiss, pulls me up towards the stairs.
Into a room.
His room.
It was quite wonderful.
Every surface seemed to smell of him, and I had a feeling that should I try, they would taste of him as well.
The bed, too, felt like him.
Like he’d given some of his sparkle to the bed.
We kissed.
My coat pocket crinkled, like a warning.
“Oh, uh… could I…?”
His smile broadened, and glitter fell from his fingers as he took the coat from me.
“May I, darling?”
I raised my eyebrows, and we embraced.
Magic.
I did tell you so.
It was
Glitter magic sparkle shine shine.
Shine.
Then

The sun is now shining on his forehead, through the window.
It is rising higher and higher.
We have missed the dawn.
I notice that his forehead looks overly shiny.
Sweaty.
But breathing.
In, out.
In, out.

But moving
In, out.
In, out.
His face moving closer.
Then further away.
It was intriguing, more than anything.
Odd.
But not unpleasant.
Nothing much.
He finishes, and wraps his arms around me.
Around, right round.
I smile back at him, and long for the cold white of the bathtub.
“ …fucking love you” He mutters, gruffly.
I nestle, right into his neck, and whisper.
“Glittershinemagicglow”
We sleep.

Now he sleeps, and I wait.
Watching the shine.
Watching the sweat.
Watching the lopsided smile that started all of this.
Watching the breathing chest.
The In, out and In, out that has finished us.

I think way back.
Right way back to the bathtub, where so many dreams were filled, and so many others were started.
“Door’n.” He was muttering, nodding towards the door.
We ducked into the bath, laying across the bottom, inadvertently wrapped in each other.
Smooth and shiny.
We hear the toilet lid rise, and rise up with it.
Or attempt to.
Our limbs are too entangled to manage a smooth lift off, and we fall sideways, right over the side.
Laughing, happy, of glee.
We never even noticed who it was.
They weren’t scared, I suppose.
“Door’n?” I mocked him, my face still smiling.
“No door’n” His face is sad, heartbreakingly so.
Then we kiss.

In, out
In, out
In, out.
Wait.

Is he waking?
Is he stirring?
“Door’n?” His eyebrows raised.
I smile back.
I cannot see a glow.
He’s not magic after all.

This is a very cruddy story that I just wrote in the past hour, maybe less. If you're wondering why I'm posting it, then it's because I've already decided that I'm going to be dropping blogger come next yr and going for wordpad. And that means this blog has now absolutely no standards. Not that it did anyhow.

Oh, and moral for story:
Sex isn't amazing first time around, don't build it up, nor blame anyone for how yawn some it is the first time.
It's only partially based on experience, and I was never that much into guys anyhow- so any inaccuracies, blame someone else.

EDIT: I was just talking w/ my mate about the twilight series, and realised that the shiny twinkly dude in this could well be Edward. So now this story is a realistic version of twilight, and I have named it so.

Well, your mother looks ugly, and I don't go round telling her to get the hell out of my countryside

2009-03-28T06:58:00.000-07:00

Just now I was listening to Radio4, while making a french bread w/ cheese/onion spread sarnie (delish is most certainly was), and then I heard this guy being all:
"When I come to see a beautiful view, I don't want windmills in my way."

Here, mr man, I have my response:
"Yes. I admit it. Windmills are not the prettiest of things. But uh, you know. I want to live more than anything, and it sucks to know, but we require some form of sustainable energy. Either that or our beautiful views will be ruined forever due to the pollution all our other favorite, non sustainable, energy sources provide. I know that windmills are not the best sustainable energy source- unreliable, don't provide a whole lot of energy, and so on. But every little helps. Anything we can do get renewable energy is useful, and worthwhile. And if the only downside is that the country side don't look so good anymore, then that's tough."
I'm fairly sure that it was "Any Questions?" that was playing, so I oughta call up "Any Answers?" with my response. However, "Any Answers?" is usually a continuous stream of irrational crazy people, and I wouldn't want to interrupt the flow.

In other news, I'm starting to put people who disagree with wind farms on account of how they look in the same box as people who don't like gay people getting married.
I may seem irrational and crazy, but looks, as we've all been told since we were three, are not everything. Just because it's nature who we're making look less nice doesn't mean we still can't go there.
As a final, additional, side note- that Windmill hater guy sounded awful lot like he didn't live in the countryside, and used it as somewhere nice to go at weekends. I live here, which is possibly why I don't regard it as some picture perfect postcard that those evil Windmill Lovers are threatening to scribble all over with their black felt tip pens.

Guys're

2009-03-27T13:17:00.000-07:00

complete wankers sometimes.
I mean, alright, I get drunk, I argue, albeit with a smile.
But I don't go round screeching at random dudes to get nekkid.
Nor at girls either.
Uhm, some guys sure do.
It's not nice.
How do you get to score doing that?

Firefly

2009-03-25T16:17:00.000-07:00

is a super dooper awesomeTV show that is the new reason I'm failign chemistry.
I'm onto episode 10, and now offically hate fox for cancelling it.
As for the obligitory person from that show I'm now obsessed with, I really like Kaylee. She is just so nice and smiley.
How can you not?
She reminds me of me when I was all nice and smiley and not bitter at the world. Also I wanted to become a vet then.
But just today I was reminded of why I couldn't be a vet: I hate reptiles. No, really. They make me feel ill. It's not like I can't touch them or anything, I've had my brothers lizards a-leapin' around me afore, it's just that their skin makes me feel sick deep down. I'm pretending it's some instinct left over from the past, when our ancestors roamed with the dinosaurs, and learnt to keep out of their way.
Mammals and insects are cool though.
And plants.
But vets don't heal plants, do they?

Harry Potter V. Twilight: A Battle for the ages.

2009-03-25T06:07:00.000-07:00

I was just reading an article about this on after ellen, and feeling happy because the overwhelming majority were all 'Harry Potter, Fuck YEAH!'.
Speaking personally, I prefer Harry Potter, but that's an awful lot more because it was my childhood thing/big book, rather than it being some literature great. It's not. I mean, I love it, prefer Harry Potter to some world expanding book anyday... but don't confuse that with being ace writing. And I think that in comparing Twilight to Harry Potter, people do that. They tend to, just because Twilight has quite bad writing, idolize Harry Potter. Don't, okay?
And as regards the extreme Twilight love that some teen girls have nowadays... well, it's just their harry potter, isn't it? If I were straight and slightly more cliched and born five years later or so, I'd probably be a Bella fankid. Can we not just leave them to it?

Oh, and because I never put it on the internet at the time, here's something I wrote when I finally finished the last book. (on the very same day it came out; even though I had to make time for my Grandparents and their Sunday Dinner. Yes, I was obsessed, how did you know?)

My Last Book
Harry Potter. Gosh, geekish yes I know. Still, I’ve finished them all now! Whoot!
Um, I guess this is the moment to profess some kind of tragic sadness about finishing them and I suppose somewhat that there is- ever since I was nine and my mum got the philosophers stone (In paperback, with the weird original drawing of a random brown bearded wizard dude- if you know who he is then do tell me) from my school book fair thing, Harry has been somewhat with me. In, you know, spirit and maybe wizard format too.
I didn’t have to wait long until the second book though- the very next week my mother produced the second one (also paperback- although the drawing on the front seemed slightly better) from her school’s book fair thing. I remember reading it during swimming lessons at the leisure centre, like I mean, during my brother’s swimming lessons- I’ve never been able to swim that well, let alone read and swim.
Then, when the third one came out there seemed to be actual hype- it was hardback and the dementors were scary. (I was real terrified of those dudes, enough so instead of repeating ‘no bad dreams’ before sleep every night 100 times it was ‘no dementors’ chanted until I collapsed from exhaustion. Or something.)
By the fourth, of course, it was a real big thing and probably shippers had already sprung up everywhere, only I was too short and stumpy to be internet involved as I far preferred the delights of Jazz Jackrabbit, and his platforming, carrot eating skillz.
Maybe it was the fifth that came with a free book, all with letters from various school children professing their HP love and telling of the various fan-kid stuff they’d been up too. I kind of hated that book actually, especially the kid that wrote that Harry should come and live in America because they had ‘big wide open forests and fields for you to ride your broom stick in… and they wouldn’t make you eat that horrible English food’ Excuse me? We have big forests in England as well kid, and did it ever occur to you that Harry maybe likes our damn food? You know, he seems to tuck in quite happily every fricken meal time. (Actually, I myself kind of hate most English food, so if anyone wants to invite me to America then… no? Not magical enough for you? Grrr)
Yeah, I could go on, but I’d be extra triple boring you as opposed to just wasting your time.
The last book was good though, no spoilers here of course, but suffice to say it makes it all nice and pretty.
So, goodbye Harry, and may the God of Preventing Sequels look kindly on you and prevent your name ever being used to flog some cruddy story.
(Unless its fanfic of course, cos Harry should so totally marry Draco, you know. And Ginny? Just the most perfect fit for that nice centaur.)

BTW, If you like trivia about me in relation to Harry Potter then I would be in ravenclaw (Got the tinman’s brains but not so much of the lion’s courage stuff), and would die tragically trying to run away from Lord Voldemort. Or I’d have pretended to be dead but forgotten that dead people aren’t normally found standing up, muttering ‘If I can’t see you, you can’t see me’ repeatedly. With my eyes wide open. Okay, maybe I’m in hufflepuff. Cause I’m kinda nice. Occainsionally. Like, once. Last Thursday. Okay, you got me. Slytherin it is.
Wow that was fun.

Awr!!!!!!!

2009-03-24T16:15:00.000-07:00

So actually everything is pretty much perfect right now, and were it a romcom, now would be the best ending moment, only:
I'm still kinda pining away, here. (is that how you spell it?)
Also I haven't handed in my chem coursework.
And my brother's lizards make me want to vomit.

On the plus side of things, I found out what the manky things under my eyelids are, and if I want to get rid of them, I just need to call my beautician. Cos I so have one of those.
Also I just got a Goldfrapp album which means my next walk to school will be.. dancey. (Hey, you know Oooh-la la? Doesn't it remind you of that Gareth Gates comedy releif single thingy?)
AND I'm on the feeling good about me/weight/way I look road.
I mean, I'm not slim/amazing looking, but whenever I get stressed out about it, I work out exactly how many IQ points I'd trade to be better looking/slimmer.
Usually the answer is around 10, say.
Now I think I can stick with what I got.
Okay, I'd trade maybe 1 IQ point for a downgrade in dress size. And another if I could look less like a mushroom. And just one more to make my voice less 13yroldboy-ish.
But c'mon, losing 3 IQ points isn't bad, surely?

nuttymadam3575

2009-03-22T10:09:00.000-07:00

makes me cry so much.
She reminds me of me way too much.
She has like, the same voice.
The same facial shape, only slightly thickset.
And talks weird, like me.
If I were a youtube whore, this would be me.
Yeah.
But I cannot like her whatsoever because she's SUCH A FUCKING TWILIGHTFAG.
She makes me hate me.
So, nuttymadam, could you please start hating twilight.
Then I could stop my self hate.
Either that, or stop looking/sounding/talking like me.
Ta.

Close one? Actually, it hit me right in the face.

2009-03-21T16:49:00.000-07:00

And now the badly tagged Counting Crows tune comes in
----------------
Now playing: The Distillers - Drain the Blood
via FoxyTunes
So much for not liking her.
Stupid hormones.

These lights of white lightening mean we're never alone.

And I still feel this is a future prophesy of the cocaine I shall be taking when I realise she doesn't like me, much.
GawdLawd.

That was a close thing

2009-03-21T15:19:00.001-07:00

It's cool though.
I snapped out of it, before I started playing my badly tagged counting crows song.
Because when I do that we all know what happens.
So I've decided I don't like her.
Not much.
Honest.
Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.
Stupid people who are wonderful people.
And who don't have my number.
And who I can't text without looking weird and overstepping the edges of our relationship.
Platonic relationship, mind you.
This sucks.
I go for about a year without finding anyoen nice, then I become a complete fool.
Stupidstupid.
Now I'm going to go make mixtapes on various themes, and listen to Miley Cyrus.
----------------
Now playing: Miley Cyrus - See You Again (Rock Mafia Remix)
via FoxyTunes

Yeah so.
How is being bitter and listening to Miley Cyrus any better than being hopeful/less and listening to accidently in love?
----------------
Now playing: The Donnas - I Dont Want to Know
via FoxyTunes

Yay. Not only did I answer my question, however uselessly, I also foudn the perfect song for my dilemma. I really don't know wanna know if you don't want me.
And it has attractive females in the song.
Oooh.
Slightly more cheered up now.
Only a bit though.
And I still don't like her at all, obv.

Aitch, You, Double Hockey Sticks, You, Neigh

2009-03-19T01:38:00.000-07:00

So yesterday I went to visit Hull yooney once more, avec my dear friend Olay. It was pretty fun, cause we woke up real early (sixish or something?) to catch the bus from my house to the bus station, where we could then finally board the Fastcat Hull bus. Then we spent an hour listening to someone's ring tone. Or something. I'm pretty obnoxious on a bus, but I'd rather not let people hear the shittiness that is my ring tone. Could they not do the same?
That aside, we were crazy excited ourselves, enough so we stopped discussing Oli's rent boy career really loudly (told you we were jerks) and Oli started going on about how he was excited about going over the Hull Bridge. We'd learnt about it in Gen. Studs, see, and it had lit the love of bridges in him, I guess.
He even sent a text to his maw sayin he was on the bridge right this second, check it out!!!!!!!!
Then we got to Hull, and because I'd neglected to correct Oli whenever he'd said "Oh, Hull will be so ace and pretty and wonderful and fierce", he got kinda disappointed.
I mean, Hull is in no way as bad as all tha hatas say (I didn't get knifed more than twice the time I was there), but it is a city. They're all pretty grey.
And gay.
Because while Oli had been looking up boring ass stuff like student accommodation and cost of living, I'd been checking out the important stuff, such as the gay scene and clubs. Like, I found two, I think, Fuel and Propaganda. Actually Propaganda was gay friendly which all clubs should be, but I figured it was a subtle hint about it's clientele type.
We found Propaganda pretty early in the day, but never saw Fuel, leading to a not so hilarious on running joke where one of us would point in the opposite direction and shriek "FUEL!" to make the other look.
So we got to Ull bus station, and spent some of the morning looking at the shopping facilities, which is also a very important detail. To be fair, though, I'd have been impressed if they had more than three Gregs, and a nice large primark/ TJ Maxx. Which they did, along with a roomy New Look (With boy-ish clothes for oli), and a spaced out Topshop (With boy-ish clothes for me).
And the primark was pretty damn huge. It dwarfed the large primark in lincoln, although because Lincoln actually has two primarks, it still comes out top overall.
At some point in the midst of this browsing, we decided we might wanna check out the uni. So we went back the bus station, and caught a likely looking bus.
We deicded to get off where ever there looked to be a lot of students getting off, so we were constantly staring at the departers and debating their studentality, which probably weirded them out. Sorry for that.
As it was, we got off one stop before we should have, but it only meant some slight extra walking.
Then we got to the uni, and I went to my buffet for biological sciences, and Oli went to his thing for Sociology wasters.
Yeah, and the presentation was the one I'd had before and for some reason I started boiling up right in the middle of it. You probably don't know this, but I have a crappy body temperature system. I can handle cold temperatures really well, but my body has a complete inability to manage heat. So I get insanely hideous heat prickles, and if I don't drink like a walrus, I faint.
Don't laugh. It happened in an incredibly embarrassing fashion at Leeds Uni, it can happen again.
So all the way through this presentation I'd already had, I was worrying constantly that the heat would get too much for me and I'd faint and never be able to return.
Luckily, my body decided not to ctrl-alt-delete, and I survived for long enough so a friendly student could show me around the highlights of the uni. You know like, Asylum, their night club, and some places where I'd learn or something.
Was fun. We also got to the see the library, and we had to go in a scary elevators. No, I don't like being crammed in small, heated spaces with people I don't know. What if I fainted on top of them?
And worse, what if I had to talk to them?
Then, going down from the seventh floor (yeah, they put science on the top of the library, which makes for a nice large selection of books, but an awful experience in the clunky elevators.) we, being me, and a parent-son group form the tour got in the lift and more people wanted in. Like, at first it was just one person, then two, then three. It was awffffuuul. I wanted to scream. And strangle someone. And confess to the girl opposite how much she reminded me of someone I knew.
That experience ended the tour. We had to go back and talk to a representative from our course. There were like four people on the straight up biology science table, and one of them was a parent. On the other hand, the only other guy who had come without a parent was also there, so I felt slightly less abandoned. (on a side note: How did these people get their parents to come? My parents had work, and while I can see parents coming with you on your general open day on a Saturday, yesterday was a Wednesday.) We talked with the biology woman about stuff, and that was it.
After meeting up with Oli (his experience was slightly less exciting, as he'd had to sit in his buffet for an hour with nothing to do), we went to our Club Easy appointment.
So, the housing... yeah, it wasn't bad. I mean, it looked okay. You know, like in the pictures, but it smelt. Of fish, I think, but don't count on it. And there was this one guys room we looked at and... well, yeah I'm not the neatest kid in the world. I have, at this moment in time, 3 coffee cups in my bedroom. But that guy made me look like a complete OCD clean obsessed freak. It was just hideous and all moldy and ughghghh.
And the students, whenever they don't clean their pots and pans, they go into a 'dirty cupboard'.
I know.
I'm sorry, students, but how hard is it to clean? Really.
So then, we had this thing where it turned out the rooms weren't £47.50 each week after all (that was last yrs price when you paid up front and shiz), and in fact they were £60.00, which is only eight quid off the Lawns anyhow, and the Lawns actually feeds you. I mean, I didn't mind the room size of the smallest rooms in Marlborough halls, but I may as well pay the extra £8.00 and get food. As well, Club easy charges you for more than the college semester, because they assume you might wanna stay through the holidays, which, fair enough, you might.
But taking that into account, I'd spend way less going to the Lawns, being semi catered for, and spending my holidays at home.
Admittedly, it will mean I can't hold down a full time job or anything, but I was only planning on doing a few odds and ends to make up cash.
HOWEVER, Oli wants to work at the New Look there full time, if he can get a transfer, so probably club easy would be a better place for him. Whatever.
So that was my day.
No, wait, my day also involved a student from Glasgow calling me, and me thinking it was Sarah putting on an accent so I said "Oh, I'm racist, don't like Irish people, sorry."
SO this student was like "Uh, what?"
And I was like OH SHIT, IM SO SORRY.. thought you were my friend putting on a voice... she's the only person who calls me... sorrrrrrrrrryyyy
And she like, laughed in this really bad way, like Oh you retarded northern englishers. I hope you goddamn die, but because I am makign this call to get you to come to Glasgow I'll pretend I thought it was funny.
So that was awkward, and to make up for my screw up, I acted really enthusiastic, even though I am really planning going to Hull, because I know where at least one gay friendly club is there. And I know of the existence of another, even if I've never seen it, and can easily imagine me and oli never finding it, then graduating and being like... "Did fuel ever really exist?" when we're eighty.
And our grandchildren go off on a quest to find fuel before I die.
And one of them died tragically, but the other meets his great love in fuel and it's a really good story that sells a lot of books.
Bye for now.

stupid RE, stupid you

2009-03-17T10:50:00.000-07:00

So I was helping my brother w/ his RE, and this is the question he has:
"Only God has the right to interfere with our genes"
Do you agree? Give reasons for your opinion, showing you have thought about different points of view.

Thank god I'm not doing RE this yr, because I would have screwd it up, for sure.
Here's my answer, just so you know.

This question is asking me to consider whether we should use science and maybe create bountiful crops of food, wonderful children without crappy eyesight or whether we should let an as yet unproven, probably non existant force of whatever do something for us. Were we to take the latter course of action, we'd just sit there doing nothing.
Except OH WAIT, SHIT, I think we're evolving. Very slowly, mind you, but evolving nevertheless. SHIT, what do I do, God, my genes totally changed when I wasn't looking. And my child is different. Oh lord, don't beat me up for this. Oh, and so much for you helping me, cause my child has just been born with a murdersome genetic disease.

Now for the other points of view bit: Some people who believe in God think you shouldn't mess around with something that god created. Cool. That's fine. You can do that. Think we should let God intelligently design us some stuff? You know what, totally fantastic.
I'm guessing you aren't much into science, which, again, I'm totally a nice person - I do not mind. I empathise.
(I was going to lead that paragraph round to point where I say: But if you hate science WHY are you on a computer???! But I forgot how to lead it there, so I didn't)

Really, what gets me so frazzled about that question is that it assumes I would not mess around with genes for God's sake. Trust me, if I said no more scientific fun, it would be because of me and not some random thing.
I can easily see the points they want made here - people would get obsessed with creating perfect babies, the next generation would all be beautiful, make even the pretty people I know today look hideous, our generation would be forced underground and called the Goons.
If you are this generation, then this is obviously a bad thing.
If you're not born yet, I don't see the issue. Sure, we might think they're perfect, but they won't - in comparison to their peers they'll be normal. I read a book about a society of people who all got 'made pretty' on their sixteenth birthday. It was meant to be a Utopian society, with dark undercurrents.
I never saw those dark undercurrents. I mean, when you got 'made pretty' they added 'lesions' to make you more docile and sheeplike, only taking them out if you got given a taxing job, but so?
Sure, it was controlled by the Specials, a crack team of scary looking police officers.
But still, so?
The city worked brilliantly until the 'hero' of the story decided to make it all liberal.
ANYHOW, back to the original RE rant-
Really, God has no say in anything I do. It's true you could end up obsessed with creating designer babies, and it's also true you could think it a bad thing to be that way. But still, any point of view you have shouldn't be like that because of some thing that probably isn't real.
Feel free to hate gene splicing, whether because you feel poor people shouldn't eat, or because you want to have children who will grow up to be as imperfect as me,. But really, you're a grown adult now - stop basing your decisions on some book written ages ago.

I hate the lonely island

2009-03-15T15:06:00.000-07:00

No, that's not exactly true.
I just really, really don't find them funny.
Admittedly, Jizz in my pants is alright a coupla times.
But I got their album and felt kinda cheated.
I'm meant to find this funny?
I don't.
And then I googled 'I hate the lonely island' and got one hit, which means I either spelt it wrong (maybe), or that people either love them, or don't mention anythign about it at all.
So yeah, I'm totally breakin' tha trend.
As well: Incredibad is an awful album name, guys.
I figure you know this, but it's not awful in a 'it's so bad it's good' way, it's just bad.
Really bad.
Gawd, kids nowadays.
They have NO taste whatsoever.
I mean like, me and my mate were hanging out on thursday because college didn't happen for some reason (read: I skipt it), and watching the music channels, because they're perfect for our attention deficit minds. (well, true, I'm not the one w/ ADHD, but I had necked a coupla of her ritalin's beforehand, and weirdly enough, if you don't have ADHD, they give you a really speeded Attention Deficit mind.) It went much like this:

Song 1: YouMeAt6 - miscellaneous single they had gwan
Me: Uhhhh. These guys are so not as good as Blink.
Sarah: Actually I kinda liked them. They're fun.
Me: No, they're okay in that they are bland as fuck.
Sarah: Mmmm.
Me: there is absolutely nothing there. Really.
Sarah: Really?
Me: Really.
Sarah: Why are you singing along then?
Me: Fuck off. They can be catchy and bland, right.
Sarah: Ah ha. Right.

Song 2: Lostprophets - Last Summer
Sarah: AAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRgh. D'y remember the mohawk guy that impaled me?
Me: No, I'd fainted then, remember?
Sarah: Yes. You certainly were hardcore in that Lost Prophets mosh pit.
Me: Well... You know how it is...
Sarah: I was being sarcastic.
Me: Oh. Did I tell you how when I first discovered LPs that I thought they were totally some really hardcore metal lookin' dudes, like with beards and long hair and shit.
Sarah: Yeah. You say that everysingle time we hear/see/have brief mention of them.
Me: oh. Well, I did. Did I tell you how I fainted in their mosh pit and Ian gave me the kiss of life?
Sarah: *frowns* You told me the fainting thing... but not the kiss of life thing.
Me: *Nods thoughtfully* Odd, that.

Song 3: Marilyn Manson - Mobscene
Sarah: Arggggggh... this is my glory days. Honestly and truly.
Me: *mutters* Goth.
Sarah: Why mutter? I shan't be offended.
Me: *shrugs*

Song 4: Some random shit the kids nowadays think is cool
Me: Why.
Sarah: I know.
Me: We, the class of 02, were so much cooler than this.
Sarah: Why have we already started thinking that the new stuff is drivel?
Me: Uh, because it is.
Sarah: Yeah, but isn't such a thought process meant to happen when we're fifty, not seventeen.
ME: I guess we're just mature like that.
Sarah: Yeah. OMGod. It's blink 182!!!!!!!!!!!!
Me: WHoooooooooooooooopppppp.
Sarah: I used to not take my pills and laugh at the toilet scenes in this video!
Me: Snap! Arrrrrrrrrrgh. Mark, the dog loves you!
Sarah: Tom! Your tattoos forever beckon me!
Me: We still count as mature, right?
Sarah: Oh yeah.

I Need A Job

2009-03-15T14:39:00.000-07:00

so I can buy this stuff... *twitches in a materialistic fashion*

Jayzus

2009-03-12T16:41:00.001-07:00

Just got out of bed, the lyrics of an unknown song driving me crazy.
Had to find out the song it's from...
Turns out it's American Pie.
I just waste my life over and over again, huh?

Berenice Abbott; I'm Guessing You Have Subtext

2009-03-12T14:29:00.001-07:00

You might have forgotten, but I still do photography, you know. Not well, mind you, although I do still make acceptable grades, mostly because of the writing bit of it.
At the moment I'm analysing a nice woman called Berenice, who died the year I was born. This is a coincidence that I've decided not to look at the deeper meaning of, because it would probably only depress me.
Anyhow, I was gonna be like, oh Berenice, you can have my children, until I decided that showing you some of her images, and analysing them, would work so much better.

This image shows a bus, parked up by a kerb. It is partially shaded by the nearby tree, and behind it you can see various tall buildings.
The clear central focus in this image is the bus, so I’m going to talk about the significance of that first of all.
It is quite shapely, and in the absence of any actual humans or things with life in the image, it becomes the most important object to relate to. It appears to have a place to go (Fifth Av.) but no way to get there, so it seems a paradox- with direction, but still doing nothing. The wheels are like typical evil genius’- useless without their minions, the engine and driver to power them and their evil plans along. The body of the bus is like the stereotypical bodyguard of said Evil Genius- always reliable to protect, always reliable to do not much else.
The tree becomes the Evil Genius’ lair- protecting him from harm, making him seem like a normal part of the community – what person doesn’t have, or like, trees?
And finally, the most sinister part of it all- the building, you suddenly realise, is the evil genius’ target.
The lack of people isn’t just that they’re not usually around- it’s because they are all at home watching TV, where, even now, the evil genius is threatening the removal of their buildings if they do not comply with his demands.
The bus’s sinister motives are emphasised by the lines of force that streak down it- the chassis is powerful, and the way the front window is sunken into the bus somewhat reminds you of the stereotypical criminal – sunken eyes, waxy pallor, and a lot tougher than they look.

So, yeah. I don't have any scientific basis for the belief that Berenice Abbott took images of Evil Buses of Doom, but I do have my mind.
And it's just screaming that Bus means Business.

Thinking on it...

2009-03-03T14:14:00.000-08:00

perhaps she wasn't weirded out so much by the pokemon tunes as she was by the fact I had to blurt out random song lyrics.
Yeah, that was probably it.
I knew I shouldn't be blaming pokemon for my own misfortunes.
Pokemon is never to blame.

Twitterfuck

2009-03-03T10:53:00.000-08:00

So, seeing as twitter thinks I write too much (Like, they're victimizing me causa my vocabulary? Wankers, much?), I'll write what I was gonna write there, here.

"You know how when you're doing stuff with music in the background, and not really listening to it and then you pause and actually listen to the music and it turns out that you've shuffled to Pokemon's Greatest Hits? Because that happened to me"

Now I realize I need to pad it out to make a proper blog post.
So I'll give you context of the previously mentioned twitter:
I was hanging out with someone who I wanted to impress very much. And although they were still on my wavelength and everything, I doubt that they were very much impressed with Professor Oak grumbling about pokedexes. (is it pokedexi? Maybe.)
Previous to the music mishap, we'd been getting on just fine, thanks. Really fine. Not to put too fine a point on it, but I was *this* close to retrieving my tender heart from whom it had previously belonged, and re gifting it to this other person. (God, that makes it sound really bad doesn't it? Promise it wasn't, so much)
Anyhow, at the desicive moment (Take that as you will) she paused, her nose kind of twitched (yes, I was watching it closely, possibly too closely), and was like "Wait a minute."
And I yelped "MR POSTMAN!"
Because I have a thing where if I hear a phrase that sounds like a lyric from a song I know well, I shout out the next line or a close approximation to it.
Then she was like "What."
I was like, "you don't know the song??? Here, let me show you!"
And I dived at my computer, muttering about how I had the Carpenters version of Mr Postman on there somewhere and then I stopped for a second.
I heard what was actually playing.
I wanna be the very best. (That no one ever has been!)
Pokemon!
It was the thing those Fuuuuuuuuuuuu- posts are made for.
I turned back to face her, slowly.
She had her eyes wide, in horror, or some equivalently bad emotion.
"I think I'd better leave." She muttered.
And fuckfuckfuckf
"Right now!" I couldn't stop myself.
So thank you, Mr Will Young, because I have now lost any chance of her thinking of me as anything other than a particularly odd friend.
Emphasis on the odd, not so much on the friend.

Of course, the worst thing of it all is that I still can't find that Carpenters song- I must've deleted it on the great song purge of 07 (Come to think of it, that was inspired by a shuffle mishap as well)

(Because when my heart is sick of all the regifting, only cheesy 80s dancerap trax can cure it-)
----------------
Now playing: Salt N' Pepa - Push It (Remix)
via FoxyTunes

WHATHWTAHTWAHT

2009-03-02T15:41:00.000-08:00

1.How old will you be in five years?
Bitch will be 23. Bitch.

2. Who did you spend at least two hours with today?
Oli, Ginger, and that is about it.

3. How tall are you?
Average. I'm happy with my height. Okay, a little taller would be nice.

4. What do you look forward to most in the next six weeks?
Parents gwan away, parties, and gwan to lincoln. Getting drunk in all previously mentioned situations.

5. What's the last movie you saw?
Ken Park >< style="font-style: italic;">had to say 'No Bad Dreams' 100 times before bed. It was my little moment of OCD.

24. What was the last thing that really made you laugh?
Me and Oli discussing how irresponsible we would be if we owned a dog.

25. How many TVs do you have in your house?
Four.
Christ.
To think only three years ago we had two, and the one in my room was colour only when it felt like it.

26. How big is your bed?
Big enough to fit three adolescents on, small enough for my mother to dissapprove of such sleeping matters. A smallish single, in other words.

27. Do you have a laptop or desktop computer?
Desktop. Meant I could have a better computer bit, even if I'm stuck w/ the eye cancer causing screen.

28. Do you sleep with or without clothes on?
Pyjamas. I love my baggy t shirts, and snoopy jumpers. I can wear hideous clothes while I sleep and still be happy.

29. What color are your sheets?
Mustard yellow. Fuckyes.

30. How many pillows do you sleep with?
One.
Anything else is pure luxsery for a battered northerner like me.

31. What is your favorite season?
Autumn.
(Looks down.)
Sorry, Fall

32. What do you like about fall?
The colours. The warmth and the cold and the expectation of things to come.

33. What do you like about winter?
Snow, warmth inside. Christmas. Louis Armstrong.

34. What do you like about the summer?
Sun, alcohol, the music.
Oh, and my birthday, I guess.

35. What do you like about Spring?
Eh, not much.
Easter gets me weight worrying, I couldn't care less about the miracle of lamb birth...
It's alright.

36. How many states/provinces have you lived in?
Two. Yorkshire, Lincolnshire.

37. What cities/towns have you lived in?
Two. Leeds, scunthorpe.
Gawd, I'm so well travelled.

38. Do you prefer shoes, socks, or bare feet?
Shoes. All the way.
Then socks if they look nice.
And bare feet only if you promise not to care that mine look like a rancid dish cloth.

39. Are you a social person?
Hellyes.
So long as they're nice and don't mind that I tend to get odd when drunk.
Or when sober.

40. What was the last thing you ate?
A banana.
Yeah, who's healthy now?

41. What is your favorite restaurant?
Sorry, I'm kinda uncultured when it comes to food. I like wraps, so any place that does nice raw steak wraps can be my friend.

42. What is your favorite ice cream?
Meh. Ben Jerrys is good, but I'm still uncultured here.

43. What is your favorite dessert?
Meh. Fruit salad is nice.
Bit sick of cheese cake atm.
And I don't like any hot desserts, cos that's just wrong.

44. What is your favorite kind of soup?
Not vegetable.
Or any that come from that college vender machine.
Every since the crazy vile coffee soup mixing episode, I just don't trust it.

45. What kind of jelly do you like on your PB & J sandwich?
PB&J?
Fuck off.
I like my ploughmans sandwich, alright.

46. Do you like Chinese food?
I like spare ribs, and noodles and stir fry and not sesame seed toast.

47. Do you like coffee?
Yes, if it's real, I like it black.
And if it's instant/in the morning, I like it w/ milk/sugar.

48. How many glasses of water, a day, do you drink on average?
Five. But they're small glasses.

49. What do you drink in the morning?
Apple juice, then coffee.

50. What time do you usually go to bed?
Varies. I'd like it to be around half 11... but my head has a mind of it's own.
That was a stupid thing to say.

51. Do you sleep on a certain side of the bed?
On my left side, I get nightmares.
So yeah, I lay on my right, on the right side of it.
The left is the work of the devil.

52. Do you know how to play poker?
No. I only ever try and learn when playing strip poker while drunk... and I've forgotten how to the next day, obv.

53. Do you like to cuddle?
So long as I'm cuddling with someone nice.

54. Have you ever been to Canada?
I'd love to, to see a moose.

55. Do you have an addictive personality?
Sure, why not.

56. Do you eat out or at home more often?
Home.
It's where the heart is, doncha know?

58. Do you know anyone with the same birthday as you?
No...

59. Do you want kids?
Not to have, but I might adopt a couple at a later date.

60. Do you speak any other languages?
Some french, and a tiny bit of german.

61. Have you ever gotten stitches?
Nope. I once tried to sew up my arm, but that's not really the same thing.

62. Have you ever ridden in an ambulance?
Nope, I'm a kinda healthy kid.

63. Do you prefer an ocean or a pool?
Would be the ocean, except I get this obsessive thing about sand.

64. Do you prefer a window seat or an aisle seats?
Window mostly, unless it means I'm gonna get hemmed in by some weird randomer.

65. Do you know how to drive?
In a way. My driving tutor would probably say no.

66. What is your favorite thing to spend money on?
Music.
Also warm clothes

67. Do you wear any jewelry 24/7?
Nope.
I can't sleep at night with my watch on, and it's not like I wear any other jewelery anyhow.

68. What is your favorite TV show?
Veronica Mars, I've decided.
It might not be on anymores, but it's still a winner.

69. Can you roll your tongue?
Yep. I might not have much, but my tongue is kinda flexible.
I'd like to clarify here: I'm not insinuating I'm at all good at sex.
Just so you aren't disappointed/feeling led on.

70. Who is the funniest person you know?
Me.
Then, second, me.
Then, third.
Everyone else in the world.

71. Do you sleep with stuffed animals?
An eyeore lives at the end of my bed, but I can't sleep with animals, I'd end up throwing them somewhere into the depths of my room

72. What is the main ring tone on your phone?
Something crap. It's a new phone, I can't work out how to get songs onto it, pick one.

73. Do you still have clothes from when you were little?
Mmm, my christening dress, and a tarten skirt.

74. What red object is closest to you right now?
Scissors.

75. Do you turn off the water while you brush your teeth?
Depends. In the morning, I'm too tired to. At night, yeah.

76. Do you sleep with your closet doors open or closed?
Closed.
Gawd, I don't want anymore nightmares from darkish objects.

77. Would you rather be attacked by a big bear or a swarm of bees?
A big bear.
Uhm, we're in gay slang mode, right?

79. What do you dip a chicken nugget in?
Tommy ketchup, I guess.
If forced to eat them.

80. What is your favorite food?
Mexican wraps

81. Can you change the oil on a car?
Pfffft. Can barely drive the thing.

82. Have you ever gotten a speeding ticket?
Read above

83. Have you ever run out of gas?
Maybe, I didn't notice if so.

84. What is your preferred method of transportation?
I like walking and sometimes buses. Although I hate it when you feel sick on buses, cause you can hardly ask the random driver to stop.

85. What was the last book you read?
The latest Kate Atkinson.

86. Do you read the newspaper?
Bits of it.

87. Do you have any magazine subscriptions?
Not anymore. Have in the past had Dandy, beano, Offical Playstation mag, metal hammer and guitar player subs. In that order.

89. Do you watch soap operas?
The L Word is all soap opera-y atm, so that.

90. Do you dance in the car?
Hmm. Yeah.

91. What radio station did you last listen to?
Some jazz station.
It had trumpets.

92. Who is in the picture frame closest to you?
Winnie the pooh.

93. What was the last note you scribbled on a piece of paper?
something about diabetes for science.

94. What is your favorite candle scent?
Lavender's alright.... not one for that kinda stuff though.
So long as i can't smell anything bad, I don't need to add anything else.

95. What is your favorite board game?
the game of life, my customized version is fun.
I always win it for some reason.

97. When was the last time you attended church?
Last christmas. No, wait, the christmas before that.

98. Who was your favorite teacher in high school?
Mr Etchell probably.
But my form tutor taught me all I know about drugs, which is: Try them.

99. Where did you go on vacation this past summer?
Italy.
Was pure fun and sun.

Is This The End?

2009-03-02T15:14:00.000-08:00

No, the L word still has one ep to go before it loses it's ice cold grip on my heart.
Whoa, deep.
But actually, that episode wasn't so bad.
I have a deep love of dance offs and their ilk, so it made my heart rise with glee when I realised they were going for the dance marathon (even if it did mean I kept having a desolate voice in my head continuously say 'They shoot horses, don't they?' whenever something bad happened).
And when I saw the cash clothes that the Jamie/Alice/Tasha crew were wearing? Oh manomanoman.
Then, because I've no concept of popular culture, I didn't connect it to that Salt 'n Pepa song consciously, but deep down, just before they started playing the song, I really wanted it to be that song. And then it was.
I so came.
But I really wish the Jamie/Tasha/Alice thing had been resolved in a better way. Like, couldn't they have just had an awkward threesome, then been done with it? I thought Jamie liked them the same (well, no, but I was kinda in denial).
Meh.
Anyhow the music has now made me trawl blogs for the salt 'n pepa debut, and also, in an unconnected thing, try to fidn the Ceasars Paper tigers.
I do actually have a copy of the CD from way back, but it's been copied all weird and has odd tracklisting.
So I'm downloading it.
But the L Word was fun, alright.
Even if Jenny was a weirdo as always, her screen time was limited.
I wanna know tho: How are they gonna finish it in one hour?
My predictions:
Max gives the kid to bette/Tina (duh)
Helen and Dylan stick together (they better freaken do)
Tasha/Alice/Jamie have unsatifactory conclusion in which they all break up in one clumsy mess
Tina/Bette better stick together, or I'll lose my faith in humanity. Or Ilene. Either one.
Jenny and Shane implode and their resulting splatter makes the rest of the episode weird.
And I suppose something had better happen with Nikki... she can kill Jenny or something.

I've high hopes for my predictions, one of my predictions came true for skins, it's clear I've a gift for this stuff.

Coffee and Biscuits

2009-03-02T10:56:00.000-08:00

I think I may have mentioned how much I love my dad's coffee.
I forgot to mention how much I love having digestive biscuits with said coffee.
It's the second most wonderful thing in the entire world.
I know, I'm an old man at heart.
In fact, don't tell anyone, but my favourite thing to do is not, surprisingly enough, getting drunk and having sex with ten different people, it's actually to have coffee with biscuits and cuddle up with a Lawrence Block book, and a person.
A real person.
I mean, I imagine I'd get sick of the homeliness soon enough, but right now, it's kinda appealing.
Especially if the cuddling up was going on in a New York flat, and they were a writer on the verge of a break through book.
And I was their muse.
Also a super hero by night.
Gee whiz batman, can't I be your robin?

Early Morning Posts Just Aren't A Good Idea, Are They?

2009-02-27T19:11:00.000-08:00

Mind you, neither is liking someone.
Because if you do that and then for some crazy reason they appear to like you back, there are hideous side effects.
Such as listening to Counting Crows' Accidentally In Love over and over and over.
Jeeez.
For some reason it's tagged as the Distillers - Drain The Blood. Maybe when I first downloaded it, I felt the need to hide it's existence.
Whatever reason, it's coming back to haunt me now.
Oh, I can't fight it.
I'm accidentally in love.
----------------
Now playing: The Distillers - Drain the Blood
via FoxyTunes
(See? Why does it do that?)

THESE LINES OF LIGHTENING MEAN WE'RE NEVER ALONE.
(What is that, a reference to snorting cocaine?)

Larry Clark, I'm watching you

2009-02-25T14:01:00.000-08:00

So there’s this guy; Larry Clark. He directs movies, and they are (or the three I’ve watched, at least) about teens gone wild. You know, the sex ‘n drugs ‘n killin’ that all of us teens like to do every Friday night.
The first one I saw of his; Kids, I really liked and enjoyed. It had a central premise about this guy who liked to have sex with only virgins. He got a kick out of it. So this girl who had only ever had sex with the virgin slayer turns out to be HIV positive (it was the nineties, and a hot topic back then). Ergo, if she has only had sex with the one guy, then she must’ve got HIV from him. And he didn’t even call her back after said romantic interlude. Christ.
Then it’s a madcap, crazy race against time for her to go find said VirginDude before it’s too late and he gives yet another (underage) girl HIV.
I thought the plot was a kinda neat idea actually, and a lot of random decadent stuff happens around it- they steal, they drink, they are revealed to have rubbish parents, oh and also sex. They get sex.
It has been criticized for being a type of shockhorror film, which just shows parents their worse nightmares about what their children are doing, without doing any thinking on it, like how to solve such problems.
Well, it is, kinda. But then, I didn’t really think any of the incidents were that unlikely. Sure, they don’t happen on a day-to-day basis, but they do happen. The most unbelievable thing seems to be why everyone kept having sex with virgin slayer. He was kinda ugly and goofy. I wouldn’t tap that shit, fo sho’.
Oh, and I think it has also been said to be too graphic with the sex, but it isn’t, not really. It’s just normal. Perhaps the reason I liked it an awful lot was ‘cause of the killer soundtrack. Lots of rufftuff nineties rap with grungey folk. You cannae go wrong, surely?
In all, you shouldn’t watch it for a great insight into the current generation, nor the ones that were teens in the nineties, but you can watch it and enjoy it- especially when Casper sings about all the guys who totally wanna do him. The acting isn’t bad on most of them, and I never had any huge problem with the look and feel of it. Just promise me you won’t go searching for a deeper meaning in there, okay?

Then there was the next one I watched- Bully. This is the one I thought was a bit ridiculous. It starts out with this girl and her (unattractive, but hookerish) friend going to chat up some guys in a supermarket. At this point I found both guys ugly, so I was like: why? But they end up going to watch them surf. Cause yeah, they’re in America, and I guess that’s what nineties dudes do when they’re in the good ole US of A.
Once the dudes are all surfed out, and the ladies all watching-them-surfed-out, they go to a ‘party’. Bearing in mind, they’ve talked to each other for about three seconds or something. So they stop, buy alcohol, and have sex. What? Sex? In a car? Well, I’ve no issues with that. But it’s not just the girl and her ugly surfer boy having sex in the backseat. It’s also the Bully surfer guy and her unattractive hooker friend having sex. They’re separate couplings, but both having sex inside the same car.
I like to think I’ve got solid mates, but never would I have sex in front of them. I wouldn’t want to see them have sex either. Sure, we all talk about the weird noises or bizarre habits we have sex-wise, but I don’t actually want them to witness/ to see these noises/habits in action. Really. No.
So, with casual sex from random surfer guys ticked off the list of things to do before you’re twenty, the next scene goes for ‘Crazy delusions from a teen girl’. The girl, whose name I should really remember, but I can’t, so we’ll call her Jenny, wakes up (naked), stands from the bed (Completely naked) and then puts on a tshirt (now half naked). Uhm, I don’t get it. The nudity wasn’t required, and most people I know actually sleep in some type of clothing. It was maybe a metaphor about how she is defenceless from the rest of the world. Or maybe just so we can see her naked. Anyhow, she then goes for breakfast, and her delusions kick in.
“I got a boyfriend, maw,” She says, smiling dreamily. Whilst I raise my eyebrows.
“Really?” Asks her maw, in a disinterested way (Don’t blame her).
“Yeah, he’s a real hunk.”
Two things- one, no one says hunk anymore, and I’m fairly sure no one in the 90s did either and two- you have casual sex with someone, fine. That’s normal. But having casual sex, which leads to a relationship solid enough to be calling someone your ‘boyfriend’, seems really unlikely. Sorry. You had sex with him in a car, while someone else had sex with someone else in the same car. That just spells ‘friends’ to me, if you want to know. In fact, it really spells ‘acquaintances’, because random car sex doesn’t scream ‘I want to know you as a friend and worthy person’ does it?
We then get a further series of unlikely scenes, during which her surfer hunk explores his sexuality and the Bully surfer is shown to have a very intense relationship with him. Also the bully rapes the unattractive hooker girl.
Somewhere along the way the Bully gets killed, and Jenny gets preggers. Yay!
And that’s all I can remember, pretty much. There's probably some insanely eye opening stuff in there about the dynamics of relationships and teenage delusionals but I didn't care enough to look much harder than the surface.
All in all, not as fun as Kids, and the soundtrack isn’t as good either. Sucks for you eh, Jenny?

The Larry Clark I’ve just finished watching, Ken Park, was probably the worst in terms of plot, but better than Bully in terms of watch ability. Perhaps.
It isn’t at all about this guy, Ken, who kills himself. No, it might seem like it, but in reality Ken just skates around to a groovy song, then shoots himself with a gun in the middle of a skate park.
We then hear our foremost narrator, Shawn, burble some stuff about dead Ken, before reaching his favourite topic- himself.
Shawn is alright looking, I suppose, and his stomach muscles are the best out of all of the male actors, but he has really hideous underwear. I know this because about five minutes into the film, after a scene about his relationship to his family, he has sex with an older lady. Like, his girlfriend’s mother.
Classy, eh?
It’s probably about three camera angles away from porn. But without the jazzy soundtrack porn has. Like, it’s all quiet and desolate because sex, man, what a drag, woe is me.
Afterwards, they both lie there and discuss how the girlfriend compares to the mother. How sweet. I wish I could do that with all my girlfriends and their mothers. It would be a good bonding activity, I bet.
The other three storylines were about Skaterboy with the oppressive father who doesn’t feel loved, and Peaches, who has the overly religious father who lost his wife and doesn’t feel loved. Well, he thinks Peaches loves him. That is, until she walks in on her and her boyfriend doing a bit of light bondage.
The final storyline, and my favourite one, probably, was about this Tate guy who was a total /b/tard. No, he was. He had a computer and if it were hooked up to the net, he’d have found /b/ to be his calling. We first meet him writing names of people on the pictures they resemble- so malnourished African child gets to be Gary Coleman, and a dead decaying donkey gets the Paris Hilton tag. Well, not really. I was just modernizing it for all you youngsters out there. But you get the idea. His dear Grammy comes in then and he shouts at her. The dog barks, he shouts at and probably kicks it, I don’t know. It’s just the type of guy he is.
The next time we see him, he’s feelin’ a wee bit hot under the covers, and so goes (wearing hideous underwear) to find… a rope? Yeah, this would be the real problem. I’m guessing that back when this movie was made, strangling yourself to make orgasms better was this really outlandish and bizarro thing. Like, worse than light bondage. But nowadays, it’s just another thing. I totally guessed even before he got his grubby hands on the rope that he was gonna tie it to his door and half hang himself with it. So that shock went by without a mutter.
What I wasn’t particularly enamored by, although not shocked by obviously, was the fact we had to actually watch him jerk off. It just wasn’t attractive. At all. Again with the one step away from porn all in the name of art thing.
Later he decides to kill his grandparents, which is an exciting incident he later narrates to us through the medium of tape recording. Those 90s kids and their tapes!
Uh, and those other two storylines I mentioned earlier? The skaterboi's dad tries to suck him off and Peaches' dad marries her.
Then, as one huge babooska ending, peaches, skaterboi and Shawn (remember him? The mother and daughter slayer?) all have a big gang bang. And it's probably the most crappy porn I've seen since Revenge Of The Penis: Part 2. The problem is that you know it's all meant to be meaningful in someway, but that doesn't mean you care. Oh wow, they're discussing their futures and then fucking! Crazy shit man. I just ended up missing Mr Masturbation On The Doorknob boy. He was fun.
Then they finally seem to remember that the film is called Ken Park, so they play a game of 'Who Am I?' (which is something we all love to do after sex with friends), and one of them is being Ken Park.
There is a final final scene where we find out that Ken's girl was up the dundersnout, and she's like to him "Oh, but you wouldn't have wanted your mom to abort you, would you?"
He doesn't respond... but we all know the answer
Cos they're so subtle.
Meh.
Go watch Kids. That's fun. And in comparison to the other 2 movies, it's more realistic, I guess.
Maybe not.

Postnotes:
I know now that Ken Park and possibly Bully weren't made in the 90s. Whatever. Kids was, I think that the skaterboi concept is outdated if we realise it isn't the 90s. Let's just pretend.

My Ultra Super Fun Day Out

2009-02-24T11:34:00.000-08:00

Dear Diary,
Today I went to Leeds for photography and it was SO exciting! We saw this art gallery and we weren't entirely sure whether or not to sit down on the seats, or whether they were meant to be an installation! Wow! My world sure is expanded now!
I made a new friend; Emma. She sure was fun! She told me all about her bipolar boyfriend, Alan (more about him later) and we discussed 4chan while Dave looked on and disapproved! I don't think he likes it when people discuss /b/! I suppose it IS one of their rules after all...
Then we went and took images of people. Me and Dave took them without their permission and were all very secretive. It was crazy insane. Emma was more law abiding however and asked people. This meant she got removed from the mall for taking pictures. Oh well.
We were now very hungry after all this underground image taking, so we went to subway. It was deLISHous. We all had a meatball marina and cokes. We brightened up the subway through drawing pretty pictures and writing inspiring messages, such as "Get a life!" or "The cockmongler is after you!"
Happy times.
After we were forcibly removed (Places nowadays are SO teen unfriendly) Emma found a friendly big issue seller to take pictures of. He offered to show us other parts of him as well, but we declined.
Soon we went on the great book search of '97 (As an aside- HOW many flipping timewarps are there in leeds nowadays?! It's crazy!), in order to find Interview With A Vampire. It's a historical document about someone who interviews Margaret Thatcher. Such typos! What ARE those crazy authors like nowadays?!
Once we'd found it, we all felt hungry again, so went to 'Macky Ds' (As the kewlkids call it). I'd already contracted anorexia earlier in the day (Sorry Leeds, your water system is just CRAWLING with it), so I didn't eat anything, but the other two had chips 'n dips 'n hips.
It was during this that Emma flashed around her new piece of gadgetry- a gameboy colour!!!!
It was green, and she even had a camera adaption for it!!!!!!
I know, right. Pure crazyness.
So we were all playing with it, and using it to 'spy' on the customers, when I looked at the other images in the memory and saw this guy I totally knew!!!!!!!
"OMiGOSH!" I shouted, dropping the gameboy colour onto the table with a clatter.
"Whatwhatwhat?" Asked Emma, whilst Dave frowned at me.
And I paused because I totally remembered that guy from this party I went to where I got kinda tipsy (Don't look at me like that!!!) and accidently the whole bedroom'd. And that guy had been a part of it! Juicy gossip or what??!
But then Emma looked at the picture and smiled. "Yeah, that's my boyfriend! Dreamy, huh?"
Ohhhhhhhh SHiiiiiiiiiiii!!!!!!!!!
I am SO glad I didn't say anything.
Otherwise things woulda been kinda awkward, huh?
So I just smiled and said I was shocked at how cool it was, the gameboy and all.
Then we discussed /b/ somemore and Davey got his frown on all other again.
So that was my day.
How was yours?

I sometimes worry

2009-02-20T16:44:00.000-08:00

that because we've spent so much time building up how amazing uni will be, we'll actually get there and just be:
Oh. Right. Well, this seems fun, I guess. Uh, when do we meet the fun people again?
Then Olli will kick his legs up and squeal MADONNA really loudly.
And I'll start to cry.
To be honest, I live in the second worst industrial garden town in england, so if I got to uni and there was only one knifing per night, then I'd be dancing merrily. And if I find a bar that contains only ten people with icky stubble. Then I'd be doing the goddamn swing jive, I'd be so hiphophappy.
Or, in other words: My standards of living places are of a similar height as my standards of dating possibilities.

Hey, you know something?
I'm kinda high I think. Like, not so high in that I can't remember spell check exists.
But like so high that I feel the need to tell you about it.
GAWD how many j20s have I had???
I used to think redbull was alcholic, you know?
Mmmm.
And my current writing project is centred around this poster I found ja.
It's about the Idaho Wrestling Team.
It's a series of short stories about each of the members.
I haven't actually done much more than that.
Possible storylines include loss, anger, happiness, and and an overwhelming love of shoes.
Or watches.
When I get money I've decided to buy shoes and watches.
The rest of my clothing shall come from oxfam, but my watches shall be swatches and shoes pumas/nikes/half cab vans.
And once I reach 26 I shall forever leave the sheos behind and forever concentrate on swatches.
Also meeting attractive auburn haired females who can listen to me ramble about my swatch collection and now-gone shoes.
Yeah, I'm screwed, aren't I?

My Dad...

2009-02-19T11:54:00.000-08:00

makes the most perfect coffee.
Just take my word for it, okay?
I'm actually going to miss that when I go to uni.
Like, I won't miss anything else.
But the coffee?
I'll be climbing the walls before bedtime.

It's getting ridiculous...

2009-02-18T16:56:00.000-08:00

ever since I started downloading stuff offa the net, I always had this .txt document with any links I picked up that I figured looked good, but I couldn't download right away cause of the rapidshare download limits.
But once I discovered music blogs... that little text file has gotten bigger and bigger, and it's even got bloody mediafire links that I randomly grab. They're not even marked as such and such a file either... they're just random links.
So it's kinda getting out of hand.
Therefore, I henceforth declare that I am sworn off of downloading anything for a whole month.
That is, until Thursday 19th March.
(And not including the L word, because that is essential)
(But any other downloadables are out, completely)
I shall use the time I would've spent downloading/looking through music blogs to arrange my music collection. And delete random stuff I've never much liked/listened too.
Oooh, I'm all excited.

EDIT: Frances Faye doesn't count either, it's a really rare CD, I can't just let it go...

Iggy Pop... You Make Me Want A Car!

2009-02-15T12:24:00.000-08:00

Or not.
Have you seen that advert?
Everytime I glimpse his face imploring me to get a life, and car insurance I die a little inside.
Have the drugs wiped his mind of his past exploits?
Car insurance?
That's like, only one square off playing golf.
I probably wouldn't mind it so much if it was some recent young things, 'cause nowadays this is how to make money with your fame, or if the advert was actually good.
It isn't.
They've had to reconcile the two mutually exclusive things: Hardcore iggy pop, and uhm... car insurance.
So they're like: Ooooh, make buying it online seem craazzzzay! Something you can do when you're young and high and on acidd.... man!
In reality, no one young can afford car insurance anymore, and most probably won't connect iggy pop the young cool punk with iggy pop the basset hound faced droop-a-lot.
Whatever.
It's not even like he's in need of money, for gawd sakes.
Couldn't he let some young myspace band do it?
They need the money.

I'm so healthy, I should be featured on some type of bad reality TV show

2009-02-15T09:57:00.000-08:00

Today I've drank two big cartons of fresh orange and apple juice. Two.
Seeing as one cup of fresh juice is meant to constitute one of your five a day, I think I'm way ahead.
But, as well, at lunch I also had a pear.
And tuna.
(Which isn't a fruit, but fish is kinda healthy, right?)

Of course, seeing as yesterday I survived on some Tesco Value diet coke and out of date cheese/onion spread onto stale frenchbread... I'm really just pulling even.

Oh well.
It's all rises and falls, right?
Or circles and dead ends?
I can't actually remember the right metaphor for this particular situation anymore...
So much for fruit being good for you...

wikipedia...

2009-02-10T16:15:00.001-08:00

can be right sharp when it wants to be.
witness this, on Jefferson Airplane's White Rabbit song:

"The drug-themed novel Go Ask Alice takes its name from this song's lyrics. The book's protagonist is never named, but reviewers generally refer to her as "Alice" for the sake of convenience.
The Columbia University health website Go Ask Alice!, however, does not take its name from the song."

Pffffffft.
Ah, wiki ftw.
Wouldn't it be kicking if it did take it from the song, though?
Some hip health department, much.

(Obv. but)
----------------
Now playing: Jefferson Airplane - White Rabbit
via FoxyTunes

My Monday Moanage

2009-02-10T09:57:00.000-08:00

Yes, I know it isn't monday anymore, but I feel like I should tell you anyhow:
My monday was rubbish. I accidentally came in late for double biology, and then it wasn't even in the same room as usual... so I ended up roaming around, hoping that I was going to the right room.
I got there eventually, I guess.
And I sat down eventually, I guess.
But then during the course of the lesson we had to make some poster about xenophytes or something. It's a plant thing.
And for this poster we worked in groups, which was when exciting things happened.
I mean, you know when you sort of know someone, but you aren't sure whether you can say "Oooh, let's be group buddies" to them without sounding like DorkyMcDorkson?
Like, there's this dude who I kinda know cause he's in my chem class also, and he was hanging on his ownsome (I think he had also been a victim of coming in late and not knowing which seat to pick now the class room was all different)... but would he assume I was deeply in love with him or something?
Whatever.
The girl who I sit next to appeared at that point, so we became group buddies.
Then the girl that also sits next to her came and joined our group which was cool and all... except I suck at being in groups, okay?
Depending on who else is in the group, I either shut up and let them do all the work, or I try and bring some order to them all (read: order them about), and end up passing all the tasks onto them so I'm still not doing any work.
This kind of group was the latter, so after I found the essential information to put on the poster, and got them all doing stuff, I just felt like I was stood there... doing nothing at all....
It didn't help that the one time I tried to actively do something I manged to break the other girl's pen. Like, I was just paused for a second, reading and idly twisting the back end of the pen around... so it broke...
As it wasn't the girl I sit right next to, I didn't know her well enough to have broken her pen.
So she must've totally hated me.
I would've, had I been ordered about by someone who then did nothing but break my pens.
Meh.
The day got better I supppppppossssssseeeeeee.
For instance, the one to whom my tender heart still does belong, talked to me an awful lot.
I've worked out a wonderful description of them: Liquid Gold.
Not silver, because silver tongues are never really held up as something good. But the way they move and smile and eeeeeevverything.
Gawsh.
Liquid Gold.

As well, I had a happy time in photography- we will get our sketchbooks back for a brief period to add some stuff.
So that's cool.
Our exam word is 'Dischord'
I'm doing Diane Arbus first, analysis wise.
I think I'll focus on people this time around; we're meant to be picking something we're good at, which is hard for something like me who excels/fails equally in all forms of photography.
So whatever Martin sez, I'm gonna do faces/people but in more documentary style- I was thinking of taking images on the way back/to Ashby for a bit, also going to Hull and Leeds for some fantastic image taking.

Oh, and in case you dislike reading, I have this awesome video.
It's like the first thing ever that makes me want male genitalia, if only so I can masturbate while playing Pong.

YOUR BEARD; It's against the law

2009-02-09T11:25:00.000-08:00

An open letter to Max:
Get rid of your fucking beard.
Please.
It's hideous.
You're a gay man now, you really should start acting like one.
Trust me, not even the most fashion backward gay man would have that bloody monstrosity on their chinny chin chin.
Yours,
L
But I do agree with you about Jenny, she's annoying and kinda evil. But you forgot to say you're going to kill her! Jesus christ, all you said was 'hate'. Does this mean you aren't in the running for chopping off her head?
Oh, and although I hate Jenny, if she influences you to shave off your beard, I'll marry her.

An Open letter to Bette: That woman is hypnotizing you with her eyes. Look at them... huge eyes....... she's going to EAT YOU RUN

Open letter to you: Don't you think that Helena has this thing where she sits there and looks really harried. It's ace. It's like my favourite part of every episode, when she sits there and looks world weary. esp. when her friends are crazying it up, as below.

Awwww... shane... my first L word crush. Why she had to get saddled with the crazy that is Jenny, I don't know. And then Jenny was all: let's throw out these Carmen T shirts.
Dear lord.
I didn't even really meet Carmen and I still wanted to kill Jenny for even thinking of such crazy things.

Look, the birth mother of Bette/tina's new baby has the same ikea cups I do!
Yes, that is the only reason I bothered with this image.
Don't judge me, Chaiken has clearly added them.... it's a sign that I will be featured in the spin off, I'm sure of it.
Or that my cups will.

Look, what did I tell you at the start of this post Max?
Shave the beard.
And did you?
Nooooooooo.
And what happened to you?
This.
I'm always right about facial hair, you know.

I think it's self explanatory

2009-02-08T12:55:00.000-08:00

So I was playing on the internet one day, when I came across this wordle.com thingy. It looks pretty, and shows the words used most in this blog.
I didn't realise I was such a big user of the word 'one' and the word 'snow'. Also just.
I'm gonna try and cut down.
It'll be hard, but with you on my side, I just know I can make it.
Shit.
I said 'just' again didn't I? And again.
Whatever.

This one is the wordle for my other blog thats about music. Apparently I LIKE POP PUNK.
Also bands and the word 'loved'.
How intriguing.
the word 'just' is kinda big there as well.
Just guess ah cannot stop it.

this is the guy I'm kinda worried of turning into. I really want a hoodie like that, and I'm already getting a sport shoe obsession, although it's with hi tops, not his dunks.
Hell, I really wanted puma's yo-mtv-raps.
It's like I'm turning into a wigga before my own eyes.
But I wouldn't wear the T shirt he's wearing.
I do like old skool rap atm tho... but that's because I'm on a fool nineties kick, yo.

Oh, and this guy is who I'd date out of all of them on yourscenesucks.com. Like, I was gonna go for the emo girl cause she had a nice top, but then I realised a girl version of this would be nicer.
Against Me! is an alright band.
We can bond over a shared dislike of jazz guitars, I'm sure.

Skins... Meh(te)

2009-02-08T10:04:00.001-08:00

It's kinda flatline so far, isn't?
Drunken irish teachers, sex, deep set anger issues....
Nothing new, I think.
Oh, and what pisses me off most is how they're trying to shove the Naomi thing in at the edges: why would someone consistently appear and hang out with a group of people that have done nothing but hate on her?
I mean, sure, the quiet twin fancies her, but you'd think she not be up for such pain on account of one person.
Whatever.
The whole thing is unrealistic, I'm just obsessing about it cause of the gay thing.
So: Episode 4 spoiler... they kiss. Like, on the mouth.
With fucking Katy Perry in the background.
You know the one.
Which pissed me off no end; it's a catchy song, and I don't have a huge thing about it generally.
But... couldn't they have found a better tune- a more subtle one, at least.
It's practically screwing their relationship from the get-go, no?
I'm really not holding out any hope for anything good.
But I'll leave you with this odd comment from some person on the girls kissing video:

Username:: PaPPy
Posted on:: Sun Feb 8, 2009 at 05:09 pm
Comment:: If you pause the video it looks like all they do is kiss on the lips when the camera is face to face. When they are full on making out all you see is Naomi's hair, which the style looks different, probably a guy with a wig on.

wat.
Is she saying that they're so considerate towards the actresses' sexuality, they're prepared to find a guy that has similar stature to Ni?
Uhm, you get my ridiculous comment of the week award, darling.
Although... perhaps it is true.
In which case, if I become a famous actress, I'm going to demand that all my kissing scenes with men are actually played by a stunt double woman wearing a wig.
In fact, any interaction with men needs to be played by a women in a wig. In both film and real life.
No, I'm fooling.
Guys are okay.
(So long as they're dressed as Naomi in a wig, that is)

They did not just fucking do that

2009-02-07T19:21:00.001-08:00

sims3 is not out until fucking june the fifth.
WHAT
I was expecting it to arrive on my doorstep in about 12 days.
And now I have to wait until my birthday, practically.
DIEDIEDIE

The Aftermath...

2009-02-07T10:36:00.001-08:00

... of my photography is this image on the left, of my dear chum Oliver. It's a rip off of all kindsa things, but mostly the series of Andy Warhol images kicking around on the net atm.
I actually quite like it, but really that's because it's my first photoshop image that didn't implode in my face the moment I printed it out.
Be thankful for small things.

Okay, so this is a picture of my sister... and me. Yeah, bet you didn't realise that snow people could write, did you?
Narrow minded fool.
Anyway... it snowed, and I took part in a family bonding activity, building a snowman in the garden. It was fun, actually. My sister decided to name it Mrs Snow, so at least she's a budding feminist, if an unimaginative one. Oh, and the nose is actually a carrot, which was kind of a novelty for me- I never got to use vegetable produce in my snow people when I was her age.

Your eyes aren't deceiving you by the way- it is a truly hideous snowdude. Like, the nose might be a carrot, but it was a wonky carrot, and the eyes are made of balls of snow. Meh. I wouldn't tap it, let me tell you.
Oh, and for comparative purposes, what you see in the background behind my sister (again) of this image on the right is the snowman from '05. Which, I think, is when it last had a total snowdown.
You can clearly see that while the older 05 snowman is more attractive, it's smaller, so therefore this years one is the superior snow creation.
Go me.
Especially since I just finally finished listening to the entire Microphones - Jimi Sharp: Man of Mystery album. Two huuuge songs.
So I'm rewarding myself for that long (although good) listen, by having no strings fun with Tullycraft. Yes, I'm that kind of person. Tullycraft doesn't care if I don't call back, and it's not that I'm scared of commitment- I just don't need a full-on relationship now.
I'm looking at you, Mr Jam Band.
And you, with that jazz guitar. Gwan, gtfo mate, your tunes aren't wanted here.

My Music Collection Needs Cleaning Up

2009-02-06T16:44:00.001-08:00

Which means I have to start deleting things...
I'm thinking that I'll get rid of some jazz, which takes up an awful lot of space because thats where my highest quality mp3s lie.
As well, I figure I can force myself to start liking things outside the context of the full album- sure, I couldn't break up a mars volta album, and everything that Laura Nyro has made is an absolute gem... but I'm sure I can see my way to trimming my blink 182/NFG/various other poppy punk bands discographys down, right?
And of course, the worst offenders of all:
My videos.
I'm thinking the entire invader zim series will have to go.
I'm no longer a random emo kid wannabe, no one thinks it's cute anymore.
Really.
But I feel really sad deleting stuff that was a part of my, if not childhood, still my formative years.
*Sniff*
Sorry... I just need... one moment...
Goodbye, Mr Zim.
You shall be sorely missed.
Or, not really.
Oh, and I also deleted the last of my L word episodes.
But that wasn't as sad, because i was only keeping the ones with Sandrine Holt in and I'm bored of her now, kinda.
I mean, if she appeared, I'd still drool, but it would be in a bored kinda uninterested way.
Yeah.
Bet you've never seen soemone do that before.

You Steal Too Much

2009-02-05T08:19:00.000-08:00

Look, I'm all for sharing music in a way that may not be legal.
Mostly because its free, but also because you meet new people you'd never have heard otherwise.
But now I'm actually trying to find a decent MP3 downloading site where I'm happy to pay some amount of money each month... and I can't.
Well, no, I could probably get by on emusic.com, cos thats good at recommending you things, and if somethings bad it won't lie, it'll say so.
But I've already had my 50 free swatches there and I'm just not in the mood.
What I really want is audiolunchbox.com to have the same interface of emusic.com. Then I'd get a months sub, at least.
Anyway, what really gets my goat is that if I search for a jazz focussed mp3 download site, you can't find one under all the free mp3 sites.
Which annoys me.
So if anyone knows of a decent Jazz Mp3 download site? Tell me?
Thanks.

Stop Motion Goodness

2009-02-04T10:59:00.001-08:00

So I'm analyzing anything and everything quite frantically now my deadlines only a day away... and like any sensible, time manged person, I decided to take some time out and show you what I was up to.
Mostly just checking out the history of stop motion artists.
What?
It's like photography, only moving...
I know, right- next big thing coming- just remember who told you about it first.
Out of the stop motion I've checkt out so far, this video is easily the best. It's fast, beepy, and gives good nostalgia kicks.

Oh, and as an aside note- I hereby propose that some words read better if you write their past tense forms with a 't' substituting the original 'ed'. It sounds better as well- think:
Checked... or checkt

dreamed... or dreamt.

You know I'm right.

Jigsaw Puzzles, And Other Things Replaced By TV

2009-02-04T09:22:00.000-08:00

So, I finally got a hairdryer of my very own, and it came with a survey thing where you may win some type of prize.
Bored as I was, I decided to maybe do the survey or something- surely not that many people bother completing them now we’re all used to having our data entered instantly by google’s autofill?
But I stopped when I got to the ‘what interests do you or your partner enjoy’. The only possible answers were:
Arts & Crafts (okay, fair enough, that’s possible)
Betting (well, yeah, I suppose people might be into that)
Bingo (Uhm, again, maybe)
Cross Stitch (What? Could they not think of another interest beginning with ‘c’? Wasn’t cross stitch covered by Arts/Crafts? It’s the most craft-y thing I can think of)
DIY (another vague one- isn’t this a bit craft-y as well?)
Pets (yes, I enjoy my pets very much indeed)
Playing Golf (WTF. I purchase a hairdryer and you assume I play golf? Playing Golf is a choice, not any of the other sports in the world? Talk about limiting people.)
Health Foods (Oh, yes, I always keep up with the latest health foods. They’re a hobby of mine, doncha know.)
Home Crafts (Crafts. They’ve been overdone. We get it.)
Jigsaw Puzzles (What, are you stuck in the nineties?)
Slimming (How is slimming an ‘Interest’? Yes, I find slimming interesting. No, it’s something you do to get healthy. Plus, it’s to Health foods what arts and craft was to cross stitching. Waste.)
Wildlife (meh.)

But seriously though, of all the interests they could’ve asked you about – if you were into fashion, hair dressing, something hairdryer related anyhow, they ask you continuously if you’re some cross stitching, jigsaw puzzling, golfer. That’s a bit of an insult, really.
I mean, don’t the hairdryer makers themselves want to sound fashionable and up to the moment themselves? Because having a survey like that does nothing for their rep.

(As well- bingo could be conceivably betting, right? Why do nearly all of the interests they ask you about be nearly the same as ones they’ve also chosen to ask you about? Waste of paperrrrrrrrrr)

My Shoes And Me

2009-02-03T14:56:00.001-08:00

So, in the aforementioned clear out of my room, my mother and my shoes met (for possibly the very first time). The meeting was rather brief, and not altogether productive.
"Do these shoes have holes in?" She asked (rather rudely, I thought).
The shoes didn't answer as such, so I gave a reply on their behalf.
"Not very big holes."
"But, it is true, is it not, that the entire heel has come away from the right shoe?"
Again, the shoes did not answer, probably feeling quite saddened at having their faults pointed out so callously. So, again, I replied for them.
"Yes, but I fixed it by tying it up with another shoe lace."
"But, there's still a huge hole in the sole, isn't there?"
I had no other option to respond in the affirmative, and so, right in front of me, my two favourite pairs of shoes (One a Vans Polka Dots pair that featured in Tony Hawks Pro Skater 8 as a special unlockable, and the others a pair of pop art cassette tape covered Elements, bought on the cheap from a shady Camden Market place seller) were consigned to the rubbish tip.
And along with them, all my memories connected to them... from taking my first steps into a live gig, to getting trenchfoot because they leaked so much.
Pause and think of them... for just a moment.
*PAUSE*
Ohkay, so, moving onwards: now I need a new pair to wear for everyday use.
This pair has certain buying restrictions-

It has to be under £60.00, including postage
The base colour must be black, or at least dark blue
They have to be fairly soft and able to withstand long walks everyday
They have to make me happy

Oh, and I don't do metallic colours.
What I was dreaming of really were Nike Dunk Hi Premiums but they're what experts are calling 'right out of my price range'.
Really, lookwise, I like the dunk hi's height, and most puma ones that are that height are my thing, it's just that they're all expensive. I can't buy converses anymore unless they're a different style to the basic low/hi tops because they're just over now. Period. I kinda liked the style this one pair had cos it was all b-ballin' but it also wasn't in my size.
As well, I've realised that the basic skaterboi shape shoes are no longer good anymore either- so pretty much anything DC or whatever have got isn't any use.
What I do still like was the Vans half cab shape- I've always had a soft spot for these, (the herring bone ones on the right) although they're too expensive, and what I was kinda considering was these (just to the left)- while they're plain and basic, that makes them more everyday and the stitching is kicking. These was a pair with fizzing green stitching, but they weren't in my size.
But the white stitching is alright, no?
On the other hand, if I could just stretch myself to get over the boring flatline pattern this pair (on the right, with the fleurs) is an acceptable shape I suppose and a whole lot cheaper. And it'll last longer than pairs of an equivalent size/price.
Nah, I'll end up with the half cab ones.
Just thought you should get an insight into the way my mind goes.

People overFUCKINGreact

2009-02-02T16:21:00.000-08:00

People such as my dear mother, for example.
Now, I happen to, on the odd occasion, purchase a certain periodical aimed at those females that choose to pursue an alternative lifestyle.
And it, let me stress this, is a very respectable magazine.
No whoring out to the common kick for these people- no, only articles on self defense and how to purport yourself in public.
This journal also sometimes carries interviews with those who identify with those that follow an alternative lifestyle, and are associated with the whole shebang.
So, those L word broads, basically.
And sometimes the images of said L Word actresses are slightly risque.
As in- sideboob!
But, honest, that is about as far as it gets.
So am I not right in thinking me muvva got a bit het up ova nowt when she shrieked:
"OMFG Why do you keep your porn next to your children's book of greek mythological stories???!!!"
Okay, it sounds funny now.
But then...
Yeah, it sounded funny then. And ridiculous.
So I laughed.
Which was kinda the wrong way to go, I think.
But its a bit like, even if Diva were porn, why can't I keep it next to my greek mythological story collection?
I mean, would it be better to put into effect the dewey decimal system?
I'm not running a bloody library, I don't see why I should.
Mehhhhhhhhhhhh.

I think this thing happens to everyone who has a slightly hysterical mother and who accidently buys a bender's mag.
I know a gay guy it happened to, anyhow... although gay guys' magazines are wayyyy more nakedddedyyy.
I know, right, cos, one time we decided to confuse the WHSmith cashier and each buy the opposite sex's glossy.
It gave us a kick anyhow.
A total whorish common kick, though... see, that's what my mother ought be calling me out on- confusing the poor cashiers beyond belief.

BTW: Lily Allen's new album? As bitching as all the reviews said. She is pretty damn good, innit.

Whoopsnow

2009-02-01T06:59:00.000-08:00

I dunno where you cats are at, but where I am, it's having a reet snow down.
Yuuuuuuuuuuuuuussssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss.
I hope college est closeded tomorrows.
Don't you?

I have a dream...

2009-01-31T10:43:00.000-08:00

that is kinda weirdly conservative, and that I generally shut up about because, well, it's embarrassing.
It involves living with a warm auburn haired person, in new york, with the trees being various shades of orange and brown (it's always autumn in my mind).
We curl up together at night, and discuss our day in amusing metaphors, making our lives more interesting.
We throw quiet cocktail parties with post bop in the background, and interesting artistic people in the foreground. At christmas we drink mulled wine and play Louis Armstrong.
At some point we may adopt two children, and live out our lives in a nice flat. The children shall be named Chester and Gertrude, and no doubt have numerous issues because of this.

But nowhere in my incredibly conservative (Not including the fact that we'd always blindly vote for the Democrats) dream do I get married. I've really never thought about how my perfect wedding would be. I mean, I know I feel kinda strongly on the whole civil union thing should be called marriage issue, but that's more a matter of principle. I really couldn't care less about actually tying the knot.
This explains why Bride Wars, which I saw last night, confused me so. Aside from knowing I wouldn't probably want a summer June wedding (it's my birthday then, it'd be weird, plus I like autumn more) or a montage of our lives together (The Hilary Duff lookalike was right: it is tacky, sorry) as I go up the aisle, I've never based my life around an eventual pristine white perfect wedding. I'd like to live with an auburn/russet haired writer (but not a poet), sure, but I wouldn't want to have so much emphasis on one day- especially if I've lived with them for long enough beforehand.
If you didn't try to watch it as a whole, the film does have some funny bits- the incredibly bored couple, the hideous fashion choices of various people, and the interchange between the two rival brides.
The schmaltz wasn't so bad, and although I thought the overall premise of the film is a bit degrading (Your ultimate purpose in life is the perfect wedding? Like, so aiming high there), it does show the true friends stick together no matter what, which is nice.
As well, one of them didn't settle for the boring guy she was gonna marry, and instead went for Mr Ape.
Yeah, it was all totally predictable, but they can't help it, can they?
I couldn't write a unpredictable rom com, and you probably couldn't either.
So, I would give it three out of five stars. If they'd managed a better dance off, I'd raise it more, but overall it was a total, oh, why not go see it, it's not that bad, kind of movie. Meh. I'd be happier if I hadn't had to pay freaken £6.00 to go see it. I mean, it's the credit crunch, I think they should start throwing in the bargains.
No film is worth £6.00 to see once. Sure, big screen, nice sound, but they could at least give you free popcorn, right?

My Past Come Back To Haunt Me

2009-01-27T14:17:00.000-08:00

So I finally got my old Hard Drive put into my new computer. Which is good because it has all my music, and bad because it has all my old writing from when I was, like, an angsty teen. Also a bad writer. Not that I'm brilliant now, but I'm so much better than I was before.
But what does also annoy me lots is all the unfinished stories I have on my computer that I can't bring myself to finsih because I write all different now... It sucks because some of them actually have that thing we call potenial, and would have probably been okay- but now I can't even remember how they were meant to end...
Take the following for example:

“And so, then, at the age of ten I had to sleep in the same room as my brother and two sisters.”
“Raaallly?” Says the girl, eyes wide, full of rapt attention.
I nod, looking sad, “But I wouldn’t say it was a bad childhood. I mean, all the other children I knew were in the same situation. I mean, occasionally I heard tell of the South, where the streets were paved with gold, but, no… Mostly the north was all I ever knew…”
“Ohhh…” Says a different girl, in the same Rah type voice, with the same wide eyes and well fixed teeth. “But didn’t you have a television? I mean, telly.”
The third girl in the circle looks daggers at her. “You’re simply mocking her now.” She says, and then looks back towards me, kindly. “Please, continue.”
“Thanks. Yes, so, in my town there was no coal mine, no docks, -”
“What?! But where did your absent father work, in order to bring in your small amount of income?”
I smile, sadly, “Well, luckily, we had a steelworks- where everyone had to work once they got any degree of qualification. In fact, out of my entire year at the local comprehensive school.” (I pause, and I see two of them gasp slightly), “Only I and one other escaped Scunthorpe. Fifty percent of them had children, and the rest all worked at the steelworks. And of that number, ten are dead from over work and pollution.”
All of the circle takes an inward breath- in fact, one of them has a tear leaking from the side of her eye.
“But,” Says a slightly savvier one, “We have pollution in our town house. It’s not so different.”
“Oh,” I reply, in the same affected tone, “That is where you’re wrong- country-town pollution is much worse than town-city pollution. It causes most of us to have asthma- my siblings included…” I sniff, and now no one questions me.
“Sorry, could you just, uh, excuse me, one second?” I murmur, “I just need something to forget. Even if only for a moment…”
“Of course!” Says one of them, touching my shoulder, “Just in the kitchen- there’s some wonderful wine.” But she stops. “Although- maybe you’d prefer some-”
“No!” I reply, slightly too sharply, “Wine is something I do enjoy,” And at their disbelieving looks, I smile weakly and mutter something about a wine smuggling enterprise my mother ran when I was younger- for some cash to survive. Due to the fact they’ve all been watching Weeds, they believe me.
Just before I get to the kitchen, I glance back at the collection of girls, most of them still looking kindly towards me, and send a text of thanks to Rob, for having me down South, to Cambridge. While Rob downplays his northern origins as much as possible, I’ll be honest, I exaggerate. Lots. My dad was never absent, and both my parents worked good jobs.
So I go into the kitchen, looking around for that wine, which would probably be expensive and delicious. Which is when I see someone probably more expensive, but infinitely more delicious, toying with a coffee cup, and smiling to herself.
“Hey,” She says, still smiling idly, not particularly looking at me. She does, of course, have that Rah voice, but it’s nice. Cut glass is sharp.
“Hey,” I reply, leaving my voice as it normally is.
“So.”
“So?”
“You wanna coffee?”
I think that while I don’t want coffee, I might as well.
“Why not.”
She doesn’t reply, just turns around and goes through all the motions. Not particularly thinking, like a robot. At the end is a steaming cup of black coffee.
“Fancy something extra?” Her mouth quirks up into a more open smile as she holds up a bottle of bourbon or something.
I smile back, wide. “Sure. Why not.”
She makes herself coffee, adds the bourbon to both cups and we clink glasses, drink.
“So.” I say, still sipping.
“So?” She replies, and I suddenly am aware of just how close we are. And how nice it all is. Cosy, too. If I lent forward just a few inches then-
“Oh, you still in here?” Burst in one of those people I was talking to earlier, that I’d kind of forgotten about.
I nod, dispassionate, and realise, without much surprise, that the coffee girl is suddenly much further away.
“You wanna come with us? We’re blowing this dump, yah, and going somewhere really cool. Exclusive as well, yah?” She grins, trying to entice me.
“I don’t much feel like it, thanks.” I answer, smiling.
She frowns, not really getting it.
The coffee girl jumps in.
“Just fuck off, would you?”
The Yah-Girl’s mouth drops open slightly, hangs there. “God, Eliz-a-beth! What’s got into you?”

It's not that bad, I don't think. It would make for a nicely clichéd chicklit novel, at least. But seeing as I have not a clue how it was meant to go, nor do I write like that anymore I can't finish it, or even add to it. Grrrrrrr.

OMG He's SPOILER

2009-01-26T11:21:00.000-08:00

Spoiler for L word season 6, ep 2 from here on:
Not satisfied with giving Max the most hideous facial hair known to man (It even managed to beat that annoying soul patch he had all season four), they’ve also made him pregnant.
I was kinda hoping that this season Max would be left alone to have a nice quiet relationship with Tom, and that they may adopt a child, but overall have an uneventful last series.
But no.
This pregnancy thing means he’s stuck on our screens even longer than usual. And as this is the last series, I was wanting for him to be happy in the background, so we could have maximum tina/bette, alice/tasha, shane/jenny time. But I suppose if he shaves off the beard, I can manage.
Still, though- he is to all extents and purposes a guy now, so I'm not that bothered about him.
But just look at the beard. Ewwwwwwwwwww.

Oh, and also, having finished watching the episode: The shane/jenny thing, when I said that, I meant as friends. I'm not entirely sure if what was coming was completely unexpected, but it made me spit out my coffee. I should've seen it coming though- they trivialized the nikki/jenny relationship so much in the first episode that they had to make it so Jenny was hugely upset for a decent reason. Yeah, so this season: annoying me already. And what was with that huge amount of swearing between Bette/college room mate? I'm an adolescent drunkard, I don't swear like a pirate; Bette's a responsible adult-y parent thing, I'd expect slightly better of her or something?

Materialistic Monday

2009-01-26T00:00:00.000-08:00

Garfield said it best:
Mondays suck.
But in order to make yours slightly better, have some nice pictures of nice things that you'll never be able to afford

The Most Ridiculous Thing I've Ever Seen Turns Out To Be...

2009-01-25T12:00:00.001-08:00

The story of the sports company Puma's creation... apparently there were two brothers that set it up, but then a rift appeared between them for some reason, so one brother (Adi) went and formed Adidas, and the other brother stuck with Puma. They still both lived int he same town though so...
"The brothers earlier split led to a divided town. From 1948, the town was really split in two like a sort of mini Berlin. Brand loyalty became paramount for many residents, and there were stores, bakers and bars which were unofficially known as either loyal to Rudolf's Puma, or to Adolf's Adidas. The town's two football teams were also divided: ASV Herzogenaurach club wore the three stripes, while 1 FC Herzogenaurach had the jumping cat on its footwear. Intermarriage was frowned upon. When handymen came to work at Rudolf's home, they would wear Adidas shoes on purpose so that when Rudolf would see their footwear, he'd tell them to go to the basement and pick out a pair of Puma shoes, which they could have for free. The two brothers never reconciled, and although both are buried in the same cemetery, they are spaced apart as far as possible."

Tell me that isn't the most stupid thing you ever heard.
"Intermarriage was frowned upon"
Pffffft.

A Multiple Choice Question

2009-01-25T10:45:00.001-08:00

You know three people. You have to give one your tender heart. Which one do you choose?
A) The clever one who may or may not be going to Cambridge. He's on the up and up, will probably make for an average relationship, where you go to movies and eat popcorn. He'll be sweet shy and all those other nice rom com cliches. His downside would be that he may be too serious. And he does economics.
B) The funny one who'd never bother committing anyway, any relationship you might have would be vague and probably end awkwardly. On the other hand, he's funny and has a voice like liquid gold. He's some sort of nice middle ground compromise.
C) The one where the sex would be fantastic, but it would never come to anything much. As well, they'd never like you as much as you like them, something which would probably drive you insane. As well, your friendship with them once you break up would be incredibly stilted. But it would be really good sex.
D) None of the above. Just stick to doing nothing/no one.

So, what about it?

I'm Just Confused (Also going through a phase)

2009-01-24T06:20:00.001-08:00

I feel conflicted every time I see this image. It's just so weird and on the edge of being distorted.
Don't you think? Like, one eye bulges slightly more than the other one. Weeeiirdd.
Anyhow, I decided to make myself slightly less useless, and am gonna post some nice wallpapers.

I feel happier now. Ish.

Skins Recap, Everyone

2009-01-23T10:11:00.000-08:00

So it opens onto a guy skating.
He's not a bad skater for sure, and I really like his shoes.
But isn't skating a bit nineties?
Anyhow, he does some probably impressive tricks, one in slo mo. Sexay
Then his phone rings and it turns out his mate has got his spliff. Ohmygod NO!
So sktrboi continues onto the sunset, in the process annoying a copper who chases after him ineffectually (because dey are de pigz, mate) on a bike.
Sktrboi escapes, copper crashes, whoopwhatever.
Then we get to meet sktrboi's m8s.
One is a right bloke, drunk and stoned at only 8:30am. ARE YOU FUCKING IMPRESSED YET?
The other is a right geek, annoying and dorky at only 8:32am.
On the whole, the geek annoys me more, because he's so clichéd. Repeating the calories, doing random hardcore sums? Never seen that before. C'mon skins, I'm boreddd.
Then we get drunk/stoned bloke saying some fairly badly written, overblown dialogue to establish that he is someone who makes things happen.
At this point a car crashes, and we get a fairly amusing diversion in the form of Effie's dad effing and blinding his way at an old lady to be his witness for the crash.
Meanwhile, Skaterboi (He's called Freddie, we'll stick with that) sees Effie. And it's a real emotional connection here. Like, you immediately know he's going to spend the rest of his life pining for her. Dear lord, he really is the updated Sid. But at least he has better clothes, and is absolutely gorgeous.
It's now time for blokeybloke to do his shit- he fools effie's dad into thinking that he was run over by him, and grabs some cash. Effie get's out of the car and blokeybloke and her have another emotional connection. Except this one means: We're going to be the alpha dude/ttes here.
We now also go to the twin's house. The twins (Who I've found much more interesting since I read the spoiler) are yin/yang. The scene is mostly to show their glaring differences, although I liked the pervy little brother bit. That was funny.

Yawn, didn't finish it, who cares, this season sucks ass anyway.

Arranged Marriage; It's what I have on my hands

2009-01-22T15:57:00.000-08:00

So, I live in a nice little town. A nice little industrial garden town in fact, although that's a story for another day.
And as we all know, nice little towns have nice little neighborhoods.
And what nice little neighborhood wouldn't be complete without it's own nice little papershop?
Yeah, ours does rock.
It's run by this guy who says hey to everyone, and probably undercharges us wayyy too much.
So, me and my mate are on pretty good terms with him.
Really nice guy, like I said.
Unfortunately... he has no gaydar.
He also knows that I have no boyfriend atm, and that my mate does technically still.
So... he tells me that he knows a nice guy, a clever guy, one who'll apparently be headed to a oxbridge type place come september.
And I'm like, Oh, ah, Good.
He's like, you're 17 now, and I'm all, yep.
Previous to this he was always Yeah, having no boyfriend, that's cool, you're too young anyway probs.
And I agreed obviously, because of that and all.
But now I'm 17, he's gonna try set me up with this oxbridge guy, who's apparently kinda shy and also 'good'. (I don't particularly want to shatter his illusions about me being 'good', either)
Because I like, actually want to stick on good terms with this guy, I sort of vaguely agreed to go see this guy, like, working in the shop, and then get his number and call him.
><
I know...
I'm just hoping that the guy will be like, Oh, I'd rather be friends.
Hopefully, he'll be gay as well, and we can pretend to date for the Papershop guy's sake.
Oh, that would be marvellous.
*fingers crossed*

Exams: They're Over ^_^

2009-01-22T11:49:00.000-08:00

I bet you hate me now I used that smiley thing... right.
Sorry.
Anyhow: Finished all my exams.
Well, I have gen. studies monday or tuesday or something.
I don't know.
It doesn't count.
But yeah, today I did 3 whole exams, and look here: I'm no writin' wid the pencil utensil kinda kid. I'm a scientist. We don't write, we notate. But those examination dudes don't understand this. So my hand hurts like I don't know.
In biology it was alright- it's more thinking than writing there.
But with general studies where the entire point is to write craploads of crud: YEeeeeeeowch.
I have marks on my hand.
Also, I have a bizarre smell in my room that I can't quite pin down. Like wood only more polishy. Sorry, I'll return to the original thing.
Yeah, me = hand in pain.

Oh, and I had a hideous hour and half in between the exams when I was sitting in isolation (Me being a hardcore clash student an' all), and knew like, no one. Or no, knowing no one wouldn't be so bad because then they wouldn't know me. But I knew them vaguely so they'll now remember me as the kid who sat alone doing chemistry coursework the entire time. As well, I bought a red bull to make me less tired after lunch, and it completely dissapaered from my bag so I spent half an hour looking for it like a weirdo. ><

Then onto the general studies exam itself:
I don't know the readership age of my bloglet (Probably one guy who accidently set this blog as his homepage and now can never escape, doomed to read my adolesent warblings), but if you're a college kidlet like me you can nod and be like: Yeah. I did that shit, man. Then punch yo fist inna air and be like, Oh She's listening to that rap 'gen man.
Anway. I did actually gawd I don't remember which questions I did. Thats so not good.
NO wait.
Did the youthanazier one, which was meant to be an essay, and I am not exaggerating when I say that the essay I wrote went on and on, prolonging it's misery: that fucking essay needed to be euthanased, mate.
Also, I did this one about St Paul's quote about how we are all members of one another. Unfortunately I was in a bad mood and went on about a rant about gay marriage and creationism being taught in school, like: those fools should not be given free speech. Yeah, I'm a dictator at heart.
And there was a middle england one, but I was moaning about how classist britian is, and how the writer of the article was clearly an upper class cunt.
So, I'm not entirly sure Im going to get an A this yr.
Golly, fancy missing out on my A in gen. studs.

Sims 3: My Fankiddishness Comes To A Head

2009-01-19T12:24:00.000-08:00

So, the sims 3. You already know the basics: that it'll be an entire neighborhood going at the same time, that it'll probably wreck your computer, and that if you're as cool as me, you won't have much of a life outside your room once it comes out (in only 31 days!!!!!!)
But, in an intensive discussion on the phone, me and my friend discovered something cool that we reckon some people might've missed.
Or something that no ones pointing out with big obvious pointy fingers, anyhow.
So, this picture started it all off, wherein we can see a nice, Gothy family. Of course, the Mortimer refered to in the image must be the father, because Mortimer is always the father.. but- NO! That guy doesn't look anything like Mortimer, and he already looks married, so why would he be finding the love of this life? Perhaps... perhaps Mortimer is the young boy! How crazy and happy making is that? Mortimer as a kid! And who would the love of his life be but... Bella?
OMG. We both simulataneously fainted.
Not only that, but Mortimer is wearing quite a retro set of clothing- I think I last saw it in the sims 1...

Further hunting for more conclusive proof came up with these images- the one to the right even showing a young Bella! (We think) Poor Mortimer looks a bit gormless there, though Bella still retains the charm that captrued the hearts and minds of a thousand simmers.

As a final peice of amazingness, we found this image where Mortimer looks to be playing outside a house... perhaps the Goth residence? Actually, this image calls into confusion the whole Bella Goth thing, because the girl he's playing with (her on the swings) looks different. In fact, she looks more Bella-ish to me, because she has darker skin, and a shorter haircut. Maybe the house he's at is even young Bella's... and the reason he looks less gormless this time around, and much happier. Probably his annoying father wants him to marry swoony girl, but his heart already lies somewhere else... sigh. Romeo and Juliet all over again...

Oh, and this is a nice video with clips of future sim music. I don't hear anything as defining as the salsa was though... thats always going to be the thing I think of in regards to the sims.

Not that anyone read this, but if you did, be grateful, because now I've posted this much fankiddery, I can't put my blog on my facebook for fear of appearing really, really odd.

Skins, Merrte

2009-01-17T09:44:00.000-08:00

Is on Thursday, the day on which I have my last proper exam.
Skins, btw, is this show technically not for teenagers bc of the over 18 rating, but teenagers is where its aimed at.
It's got an entirely new cast, which you will probably know if you care anything about skins... and the best bit is that they are all very attractive.
*Coughs, tries to act more mature*
I mean, they're like, cool in a personality type way.
And the best best bit is that one of the characters is actually meant to probably be gay somewhat a bit. Like, the blondie one, whom you can see like, just below. She's all political and probably quite cliched... and as well, if the last two series of skins are anything to go by, she won't actually get a girlfriend, like everrrrr....... much less sex. While her gayness won't exactly be played down, it will probably be desexualised. Oh, and I just found another picture of her which makes her look slightly gayer. Yep. Verrrry gay.

But aside from fleur peur girls, who else is in there?
Well, you've got Effie of course, the new Tony basically- manipulative, highly intelligent, attractive. Although she's perhaps more mysterious? Whatever.
Then there's most-attractive-guy-in-the-world, whom is simultaneously being Maxxie (because he was the OMG drool guy in the old vers., if gay), and Sid (because he lusts for Effie, and will probably lose out to his best friend on her). Look, I liked him enough to have a picture of him, located on the left. Scarily enough he looks like this guy I know, and he's doing the exact same facial expression the guy I know does. How weird.
Anyway, this guy is a bit skater-y which is kinda old and nineties, isn't it? And I think it's his fashion sense that will make me drool the most.
He had a really nice pair of shoes on in the first 10mins.

Then we have Cook, who's a bit like the drug fueled Chris, only he's apparently more charismatic? Also less political maybe. He's meant to be a right bloke-y bloke. And it's true, the bits I've seen him talk are kinda painful, it's that cliched. But his actual actions are impressive, he's kinda clever as well. Probably gonna hook up with Effie.

There's a few other people as well: the yin/yang twins (Nice idea), that loopy smiley happy not as cool as cassie girl whose name I can't remember at this moment in time, annnnd JJ, who's the stereotypical geeky one (Yawn. but I suppose there's always one), annnd Thomas who is described a 'good, honest soul'. Srsly, wtf? No offence, but that sounds kinda like he might become those goodie two shoes farmkid twins from Beverly Hills 10028 or something... you know; the killjoys in life. We'll all probably feel sorry for him because we have to, but the fact he's so nice won't make anyone lust after him. He'll probably hook up with Not-Cassie girl.

So, thats the new skins round up you never wanted and now have to keep... forever and ever.

ly
xxx